Fireman's Dinner Dance and Auction.

Friday I was supposed to be at the hall at noon to set up for the party but Mom had a doctor's appointment and Dad had to take her in the car, so I was a couple hours late. Which wasn't a big deal because I had homework that was due Thursday night that I had to finish and turn in AND the guys didn't need me that bad, or so I thought.

Dad and I got up to the hall around 2 or 230ish to find out the guys had been freaking out about where I was. My bad, didn't realize I was that important. So I wrote my number down on one of the boxes in case they needed me again and I was missing. We set up tables and chairs, got stuff set up for the raffles, got a final list of business for the thank you posters, sorted out the door prizes and stuff for the auctions, decorated the tables (minus balloons), set up the mystery box, spent some time hanging out and bullshitting, ate pizza and called it a night around 830. (Dad was missing for most of that time because Mom had to go back to the doctor. But I'm perfectly comfortable dealing with the guys on my own.)

We had to run to Walmart to pick up some more poster boards so I could make all the posters that needed to be made for yesterday, so we didn't get home til close to 930. When we got home, I started the posters. I made a total of 15 posters before I was done. Then I needed to make a gift certificate for the mystery box.Once that was done I took my pictures and headed to bed, this was at 145, ugh. Dan called me on my way to bed, so I talked to him for a half hour or so before calling it a night.

Pictures:

Day 341:

the posters for the party.

Day 341:

can you tell I was exhausted?

Yesterday I got up at 6. Yes, 6 in the morning. I didn't sleep well the night before, so at most I was running on 2.5 hours sleep. I got a shower, threw my hair in a ponytail, gathered my stuff to take to the hall and Dad and I headed out. We stopped at our station and loaded the Jello Shots into boxes, then stopped at Grandma and Grandpa's to drop some stuff off. When we got to Indian River, Dad stopped at the Trading Post so I could get a couple energy drinks. Then he dropped me off at class.

Class was class, nothing too exciting. Afterwards, Zach gave me a ride to the K of C Hall so I could help set stuff up. While I was there, the guys filled the balloons, I put out the confetti, hung up my signs, filled out all the sheets for the silent auction, ripped off starter tickets and just generally made sure everything was in order.

When everything was set, Dad and I headed home so we could get ready for the party. I gathered a couple things I needed to take back for the evening, got my shower, fixed my hair and makeup, found a cute outfit and headed back up to the hall.

The entire week my hair has been in a ponytail, I've been dressed in holey jeans and t-shirts, and yesterday morning I didn't even wear makeup, so when I walked in there were a couple comments about what happened to me and how good I looked. I appreciated hearing that from the guys, you have to understand how they usually treat me to understand, lol. For the hour and a half or so we had until people started showing up we set up some more stuff and just hung out and talked to people.

Before the people started showing up, I got an apron on and got ready to sell tickets and I stood and talked to the bartender until I needed to work. Jason, my brother, was one of the first people to show up so Dad got him working selling tickets as well. The cocktail hour was CRAZY for ticket sales. We were so busy! Thankfully, one of the guys from my class was there and happened to be hanging out talking to me, so I asked him pretty please to help me and promised him he could continue to drink while he was helping, so he agreed. I would have been in trouble without him!

Once dinner started it was much better. Dad took a break and ate, then Jason did, then I finally did, just before they put the food away. I think I tasted a couple bites. Then I went back to work. I ran the raffle tickets until they did the final drawings, turned in my money then got change so I could start selling Jello Shots. I went to the back and started setting up my trays. The bartender came back and helped me set them up and offered to keep them full for me through the night. I ended up not taking him up on that offer because I really liked one tray more than the rest and enjoyed the two minute break in the cooler while filling them up. But I did appreciate his help.

When the auction started, I started selling the Jello Shots. And this is where my night got fun. I mean, really, if you know me, you know how much I love talking to people, how much I love giving them shit. So, walking around talking to people and trying to sell them alcohol was perfect for me. Plus, I got a few confidence boosts throughout the night, which after my week, was good for me. It seemed to be the tables that were my repeat customers really liked me and I ended up doing a bunch of Jello Shots with them, thankfully Dad was driving. I sold the majority of the Jello Shots by 1130. The band ended at 12, so I started marking them down severely and selling them to my repeat customers, the ones that I thoroughly enjoyed throughout the night. And I ended up dancing with one of the guys at one of the tables because he was the only one without a date and his friends were heckling us while I was trying to cut a deal. Once I quit selling, I still had about a half of box left (I'm guessing under 100 of them) so I started handing them out and talking and bullshitting.

When I was out of Jello shots I stood at the bar and talked to the bartender for a while while Dad picked up the cans and packed up our hoses. I had worked all effing day and was not cleaning up as well. We didn't have to clean up but we had to take our stuff with us, ya know? The guys all left to go to the bar, Dad wasn't interested in going, so we didn't. We came home and as soon as I took my shoes off I knew I was in trouble. My feet hurt so bad. I talked to Mom for a minute or two before heading to bed. I was, and am, SO tired.

I was so happy the party went so well. I know we made quite a bit of money, which was the point of it. Everything I did went smoothly. I loved hanging out with all the people that were there and I got to meet some awesome people as well. Between the way the party went and the fire earlier in the week, my week has been going great, which is the exact opposite as I was expecting. :)

Photos:

Day 342:

before the party started.

Day 342:

also before the party started.

♥ Sara
Random Fact of the Day:
One acre of peanuts will make 30,000 peanut butter sandwiches.

"At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." -Ann Landers

Virgin Fire.

Wednesday I spent my morning sleeping and my afternoon working on homework and stuff for the party. I got my fire homework part way done and made up the bid sheets and cut out the bid numbers for the party. Also sometime in the afternoon I got a shower and got ready so when Zach got out of work and was heading to the hall I could go as well.

We had made plans to meet up there and work on homework and study while I made the Jello Shots for the Fireman's Party (I had to make 1000 of them!). So, when he called he said he had to run home and grab his book but that he would be at the hall in an hour or so, I packed up all the stuff I would need and headed down to the hall. I started working on the Jello Shots. I'm pretty sure I had my first batch done, or just about done, by the time he got there. We worked on homework for a bit, then I went back to making the Jello Shots. I was just finishing pouring them out when Alverno (our neighboring department) got called to a fire. Zach had started helping me put lids on and I looked at him and said, "you know, if thing goes fully-engulfed we are probably going." It came across the radio that it was was at that point a fully engulfed structure fire. We were both so excited. Then Dad came in and said that we probably wouldn't be going. We were rather disappointed at that point, yet we held out hope. Just a couple minutes later they said they needed Station 67's tanker. Zach and I high-fived, I grabbed my gear out of my car (which Dad said I wouldn't need) and we headed that way, before we were even technically paged out we were out of our barn.

When we got there, I was putting my gear on when it came across the radio that they needed to page Station 67 for man-power as well. (Zach had left his gear at home so he stuck with Dad and the truck hauling water while I was fighting fire.) So I quickly finished and Dad told me to walk in because they only could have one truck back there at a time delivering water and we hadn't been called back yet. I made the half-mile-plus hike through the non-plowed path with one of the guys from Alverno who is also in fire school with me. When I got back there I was put on as back-up on a 2 1/2 inch hose. I was there for a few minutes before I was pulled off and told to stand on the sidelines and that I wouldn't be actually doing anything. I was pissed and disappointed and began dreading the night at that point.

But have no fear, I stood there for maybe a minute at most when Alverno's Chief came up to me and asked me what I was doing. I told him and he said, um no you're not, you are here to work and here to learn. He took me over to one of his guys and told him to teach me to run the hose. I ended up being on a inch and half line by myself (with the guy watching me and giving me pointers here and there) for over an hour. I also spent some time backing up the other guy.

By the time I got there the roof had caved in and we were just trying to cool it down and get the fire out. After a while, they pulled me off the hose so I could go to the rehab station, get some water and relax for a bit. So I hung out with some of the guys. It was obvious when I first got there that some of the guys were skeptical of what I could do (hell I was skeptical of what I could do) but I definitely pulled my own weight on the hoses and held my own with the bullshit (not that that should surprise anyone). I got to know some of the Alverno firefighters and some of the guys in my class a little bit better (I already sit by the Alverno guys in class so I knew them pretty well already). While I was off the hose I helped put away equipment, walked around the scene and warmed my hands up on their outside wood burner (it was perfect because all of our hands kept getting so cold).

Towards the end, I was sent to roll up hose with the same guy that I was given to at the beginning. When we got to the back of the house we ended up on a foam hose. I will be the first person to admit when I'm just not big enough to do shit, and I was told to back him up on a 2 1/2 inch foam hose (which will kick just about anyone's ass). Earlier in the night he had told me that that same hose would throw him right to the ground. But since I was told to do it, I did and I let him know that I was the one that was there. So, he just didn't open it up all the way until someone else got there to help. I mean there are times when my 135 pounds (yes I've lost weight in the last week) just isn't going to cut it. After he was done soaking the basement with foam, again, we drug the hoses over and threw them in the back of a pickup. Then I helped, er tried to help and watched (there were like 12 of us doing it and at times my help just wasn't necessary and I wasn't the only one), empty out the port-a-tank and put it away. Then I rode out in the equipment van with a couple of the Alverno guys back to their station.

One of the guys took me back to my station. When I got there it was after 230. It was 2109 when we were paged out (so we were there roughly 5 hours at this point). I started putting away the Jello Shots away while still in my turnout gear because I had a feeling we would be going back with our Compressed Air Foam truck. I was right. About a half hour later we were called out. Dad, Dave, Jason and I went. Jason and I were the only two with gear on, so I ran the foam hose for a while, then he did and I watched the truck. Alverno's Chief also helped out some with the foam. We finally cleared the scene sometime after 530, went back, hung up our gear (mine is no where near clean anymore), I put away my Jello Shots and headed home. We didn't get home until 630. The next morning I didn't remember going to bed at all. I couldn't find my pants. I didn't remember putting my pajamas on. It was bad. And no, I wasn't drinking.

I do have to say I learned a lot, proved a lot and felt a lot on that fire call. I learned a lot about firefighting, none of which I feel the need to list out here because I think most of my blog readers would find that rather boring. I proved a lot in that I didn't know what I was capable of or if I was capable of enough. I proved that I was, not only to everyone else, but to myself. And I know there were some guys that were watching me like a hawk, just waiting for me to break. I'm happy to say I didn't. Yes, I was sore for a couple days, but so was everyone else I talked to. And I felt a lot. I felt like that was right where I belonged. I was happy, truly 100% happy at that point in time. That fire call and planning for the party has done wonders for my mood. I can't wait to see how I feel after the party! lol.

Pictures:

Day 339:

set up for the first batch to be done.

Day 339:

after I wiped most of the soot off my face. . . just after getting home from the fire.

Yesterday I slept until 11, got up and went down to the fire station. I made a couple batches of Jello shots while Mom and Dad went to town. When they got home Dad stopped at the station and dropped off my lunch then said he would come back to help me. When he got back he told me it was 430. I had to leave for class in an hour! And I hadn't showered yet. So I hurried up and finished covering the batch that I had just finished, ran home, showered and went to class.

Class was rather fun. We talked about the fire a lot and of course there was a lot of bullshitting going on, there always is. Class got out around 830. I went back to the station then and made Jello Shots until 1230. Finally finished all of them. All 1107 of them. *sigh.* So much work, but I was so happy to have them all done.

When I was done I went home and went to bed, hoping to get some much needed rest.

Photos:

Day 340:

the fridge at the station. FULL of Jello Shots.

Day 340:

at the station working on them.

♥ Sara

Random Fact of the Day:

Lobsters can live up to 50 years.

"I've had tons of odd jobs, but I think that I would probably be a fireman because you get to see the results of your job. You get there and there is a house on fire. You leave and there's not a fire anymore." -Luke Perry

Moving On.

I remember one day, right around the time I started my blog, my ex's sister-in-law, Jen, told me to be careful because it could get me in trouble. She was speaking from experience. Well, that day finally came, and it wasn't even one of my "bad" posts! In the last year I have tore many people apart with my blog (and as far as I know they all read it!) and had no problems. Oh well, I took care of the problem and it won't happen again. If you are reading this and you are one of the people I pissed off, I'm sorry. Seriously.

Moving on. . .

Sunday I spent the day doing a whole lot of nothing. I wasn't in the mood for homework or party stuff. I couldn't eat without feeling like I was going to throw up. So I hung out at the house, talked to friends, played computer games, watched stupid TV shows (I really don't watch TV much, it just doesn't do it for me.), talked to my parents, oh and I went and go picked up the car that got left at the bar the night before.

But I did take my pictures:

Day 336:

the eagle that hangs out in our backyard.

Day 336:

one of those days.

Monday I had a ton of stuff to do, so that was a good thing. I got up and got my shower and did some stuff around the house before I headed to Petoskey. I had to go over there and apply for a job and get stuff for the party. I applied for the job, then went to Gordon Foods to get table coverings and the stuff to make the Jello Shots.

I had no trouble finding the cups I needed and while I was looking this guy asked me if he could help me and I told him no, I think I could find it, but thanks. Then I decided to check to see if they had Jello. Well I couldn't find it. And I must have looked lost because he asked me again. Here's our gem of a conversation:
Him: Do you need help finding something?
Me: Yeah, actually, do you sell Jello?
Him: Um, look behind you, you just passed it.
Me: *turns around* Thinking: Thank goodness I didn't dye my hair blonde! Thanks.
Him: We only have those big packages [24 ounces, dry], are you sure you need that much?
Me: Yep, I am making Jello Shots.
Him: *raises eyebrows* Well, that will make a lot of Jello Shots.
Me: I'm making 1000 of them.
Him: Oh, you will need a few of those. Man, am I glad I don't have to clean up after that party.
Me: That makes two of us!

Then I figured out how many packets of Jello I needed and got it and checked out. Then I went to the casino to try to get cards for the party, but they only had one deck. So I got them, then decided since I was having an awful week maybe I would have good luck. So I played five dollars in the slot machine. It kept me there for a while but I didn't win anything. I went to Walmart and got the rest of the cards that I needed. I still had like an hour to kill before I needed to head back for class, so I stopped in JoAnn's and killed some time there, got a new skein of yarn and just wandered around for a while. On my way out of town I stopped at Big Apple Bagel. I hadn't eaten much in the last couple days and needed some sort of comfort food, well as any of my regular readers know BAB is pretty much the ultimate comfort food for me, not necessarily because of the food itself (don't get me wrong, it's great), but because of what I associate with BAB, the 409. In the last few days, I don't know what I would do without those two people who have had everything to do with my life for the past year or so. I drove back to Indian River while talking to Katie and eating my food.

On my way to class I stopped at Pat and Gary's to get the vodka I needed for the Jello Shots. You can imagine the look on the cashier's face when I dropped two half gallons on the counter. First she asked for ID, then asked me twice if that's all I needed. I wish I would have been in a better mood and could have messed with her, ya know "yeah, this should get me through the rest of the day" or "yeah, I have a 6 pack of coke in the car" or something like that. But I just said yes and paid her.

I got to class an hour early. So I talked to Dennis on the phone for a while, then when one of the guys got there to open up the room, I went in and helped him set up. Then I talked with Bill and Don about the party and made sure we had just about everything set. Zach got there shortly after I did and he did an excellent job at keeping my mind off stuff and making me laugh.

After class, I headed home and spent some time talking to my closest friends before taking sleeping pills and heading to bed.

Pictures:

Day 337:

candy to make me happy.

Day 337:

some days still suck no matter how hard you, and everyone else, try to make them good.

Yesterday I was going to get up early and go into town for a job interview (it was open interviews so I didn't have a time I was *supposed* to be there). So I set my regular alarm for 915 and my phone for 930. Well, somehow I shut them both off without waking up. I got up after 11. Aw hell. Oh well, I got my shower and got ready and talked to my parents for a while, then headed in for the interview.

I think it went really well and I'll know for sure on Friday whether I got the job or not. *fingers crossed* I'm so ready for this job hunting adventure to be over. Or at least be less necessary. After my interview I stopped at Walmart and got a pizza for today, stuff to make Ben's red velvet checkered cake and Cohen and Greenfield's (Ben & Jerry's for those of you who haven't been reading this thing since day 1). For the record, I haven't eaten any since all this stuff went down, so it was well over due. I was told by one of my friends that Cinnamon Bun was the best, so I, of course, had to try that. So I got home and Dad and I sat here and ate half the pint together. It was AMAZING. Dad keeps gushing to everyone about how great it was. . . I think I have finally spread my love for Cohen & Greenfield's to him.

Then I spent my evening working on homework and messing around on the computer, took sleeping pills and went to bed. Maybe tonight I'll try sleep without them. Maybe is the keyword, I need to make sure I get all the sleep I can in the next few days so I'm alert and ready to roll on Saturday.

Pictures:

Day 338:

tickets for the package deal for the party.

Day 338:

yes, the lip ring is missing, it was because of the interview.

♥ Sara
Random Fact of the Day:
The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

"Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it." -Vincent Van Gogh, 1889 (ironically the same year he cut off his ear lobe.)

Maybe one day I will understand life. . . .

. . . today is not that day.

I'm going to write this like I do all my blogs, by day, but I can tell you now, yesterday's part will be an emotional mess. The one thing this blog has helped me do is open up, I have no trouble tapping into my emotions and spilling it for the world. Ok, like I said. . . .

Friday I got home and took a shower and got ready for the day, then we got the call that the car was done, so Dad and I went into Cheboygan and got some stuff at Walmart then picked up the car. When I got home I finished my homework for the weekend and had some pizza for lunch then started working on stuff for the party.

Later I headed out to my friend's place. We hung out there for a bit, then we decided to go to the Trout and have a couple drinks and eat some food with some other friends. After we were done at the Trout we went back to his place and hung out. The boys got called out to a fire, so they went and I hung out at the house and talked to Katie on the phone for a while.

I have a bit of a cold, but that night it was really bothering me and my entire body ached and I just felt like crap. After the guys got back to the house I went in and laid down for a bit, then decided I was going to go home and go to bed because I wasn't feeling well. That was a bad idea, long story short, he thought I was leaving him, it turned into a rough night. But we worked it out. He told me that he wasn't sure that he could be with me. Well we talked about it and decided to give it some time and see how he felt later, like in a few weeks. Then we went to bed.

Pictures:

Day 334:

sunset.

Day 334:

my eyes were so blue that day.

Yesterday I got up and talked to him for about an hour about random stuff before I left. When I left, things were fine and he had said he wanted me to come back later that evening to hang out for the night, which was both good to hear and normal.

When I got home I took a nap because I hadn't slept much the night before because I was stressing out about our relationship and we had stayed up until well after 5 talking. Long afternoon short, I went over to his place around 5. When I got there some of the guys were there.

The boys left and we started talking. He was being really distant with me and we were talking about the same stuff we had talked about the night before. He decided he couldn't do it. That he couldn't be in a relationship with me. I really don't get it. I don't understand. I would give anything to change it. I wish I knew what I did (according to him it wasn't me at all, but I have a hard time believing that). He said he was sorry, that he wished he could and that he didn't want me to hate him or not respect him. I don't. I don't at all. I told him that if he changes his mind or realizes that he can, he knows how to get ahold of me, and I wouldn't even think twice about giving him a second chance. Maybe at some point I may change my mind on that, but at this point in time that's how I feel. All of this would be so much easier to handle if I could be pissed at him, if I didn't respect him, if I could hate him. I can handle anger so much better than I can handle sadness.

After a lot of tears and hugs I finally left. I decided I was going to stop at the Trout for a drink or two, see some friends, then go home. Well one drink turned into staying there until Heather closed the bar then going to Breakers with her. She ended up driving me back home and I talked to my parents for a bit before going to bed.

I don't know what I would do without friends. Katie and Justin were incredibly supportive through the last two days. I texted Zach, my training partner, to let him know. I ended up calling and talking to him and telling him he better be ready to tell me great stories at class on Monday otherwise I might fall apart. He was concerned about me and offered to come get me, I told him I was fine. But it was nice to hear that he was concerned about me seeing how the majority of the time that we say anything to each other we're tearing each other apart. Then of course my friends from up here who held me together last night and got me through it.

I just hope in the end, we can be friends if nothing else and I don't lose my friends up here because we split. I'm afraid that is what will happen though. Actually, what I really hope is that he will realize he can to be with me. I guess time will tell. All I know is that this sucks. Bad. And I am dreading class now. *Sigh.*

I know some of you reading this will think I'm being over dramatic and that I shouldn't care because it's not like we were together for a long period of time. But it felt right. We are so much alike. Everything just worked in our relationship. Yes we had fights, but that's because we are are pretty much the same person. And I think another part of it is the fact that I just didn't see it coming. Everything was perfect up until I tried leaving Friday night.

Ok, I'm going to stop rambling. I could seriously write pages on this right now. . .

Here are my pictures:

Day 335:

Heather and the can of soup she had in her purse.

Day 335:

taken before I went out, good plan.

♥ Sara

Random Fact of the Day:

Antarctica has as much ice as the Atlantic Ocean has water.

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."

-J.K. Rowling

Fire Calls.

I just posted a couple days ago and I'm posting again. . . *insert audible gasp here*. ;) I have some time to kill so I figured I might as well write a post while I'm sitting here avoiding some of the stuff I should be doing.

Wednesday (February 17th) I slept until like 10, then got up and spent the rest of the morning/early afternoon working on some homework and stuff for the Fireman's Ball. Well, minus the half hour that dad and I were out on a fire call. Yes, my pager finally went off! But it was a false alarm, there were people in the house finishing staining it and that set off the alarm nothing too exciting. Around four, I had to get in the shower and get ready for kids. Earlier this week, one of the ladies that used to go to my old church called and asked if I would be willing to babysit her daughters for a couple of hours. I had one of them in my Sunday School class back in the day and I loved them, plus I had nothing else going on, so I said of course.

They got here around five and we played outside for a while, then came in and played board games. First we played Sorry! then Candy Land. Well, I made the mistake of agreeing to play Candy Land according to their rules, it was seriously like an hour long game of Candy Land. But it was fun. When their mom got here, the girls asked if they could stay to finish the game, so eventually we did. Then I talked to their mom for a bit before they had to go, even though neither of them wanted to.

The one thing I got from the night with them was that I need kids in my life again. I miss working with kids so much. And their mom did give me a lead on a job which I need to go to Petoskey to apply for, so I'll be doing that on Monday. I would have done it sooner, but I didn't get my car back until today.

After the kids left, I worked on some homework and played computer games for a couple hours, then put clothes away before I went to bed.

Pictures:

Day 332:

can you tell I have had the game forever??

Day 332:

yes, I am knitting.

Yesterday (February 18) I spent my morning kitting, reading and working on homework. My car wasn't done yet so I had to figure out a way to get to class and get back home. Dad took me to class before he had to go to a meeting. Then after class I went home with my friend.

We ended up getting home early enough from class that I could watch Survivor. :) I hope we do that EVERY Thursday, but I know I won't be that lucky, unfortunately. He made dinner and it was ready to eat just as Survivor was going off. I walked in the kitchen and as he was taking his first bite of food his pager went off for a vehicle fire. So I told them goodbye and to be safe, threw his food in the microwave and ate my dinner. It turned out to be a vehicle fire that was out by the time the trucks got there, so they were only gone about a half hour.

I do have to say it is a completely different experience having a firefighter boyfriend than it was having a firefighter dad, or brother, or uncle, or cousin, or even being one myself. I know that he can't go in buildings yet because it's not permitted until our training is over, but I still worry when he goes out on a call. And I only worried about Dad when the fire was bad. And I get excited when our pager goes off, even though it hasn't been anything exciting yet, rather than nervous or being worried.

Also, I'm very happy that I grew up with so many of my family members on the department. I get what it means when that pager goes off and I would never be pissed at him for jumping and leaving. I've seen many girlfriends or wives freak out on their significant others for doing just that. I guess I've just had it happen so many times with Dad that it doesn't even phase me. And I also get that after the fire shit needs to be put away and cleaned and all that fun stuff and it may be an hour or two at the station after they clear the scene. He has commented on this many times, but he always says it's because I'm a firefighter as well. . . he doesn't realize that I understood this concept my entire life, it's not something I grasped in the last eight months being on the department.

When they got back, he ate and we hung out with his friends for a while.

Pictures:

Day 333:

dinner.

Day 333:

. . .

♥ Sara

Random Fact of the Day:

454 U.S. dollar bills weigh exactly one pound.

"The funny thing about firemen is, night and day, they are always firemen."

-Gregory Widen

Happy Valentine's Day!

Thursday (February 11) I had all intentions on working on homework all day, and I did for most of the day, but Dad needed to go in to pick up his truck in the afternoon so I took him into Cheboygan, while I was there I needed to pick up some stuff from Walmart, so I did that as well. By the time I got home from town, I had just enough time to get myself ready and head to fire class.

Luckily, class wasn't a long one, so I got to watch the first episode of Survivor. I get made fun of my Survivor obsession, and rightfully so. After we finished watching Survivor (which was great!) we watched some more tv before we headed out to the Trout. We hung out there for a while, then headed home and went to bed.

Pictures:

Day 326:

my purse. can't tell i have a gum addiction, can you?

Day 326:

tousled hair anyone?

Friday (February 12) I had a paper due at 5. As of 11, when I got home, I had yet to start it. Well, I talked to mom for a while, then we got a call that the kids (who were supposed to be on their way to our house) got on the wrong bus and I had to go get them. So I wasted nearly and hour going to get them and getting back home. I finally started my paper at 1, and finished it at 345. Oh and I already got my grade back, I aced it, don't worry. ;)

After I was done with my paper, I went upstairs and was talking to mom and she had mentioned that she wanted to go to town so she could get stuff for Valentine's Day, so I offered to take her. While we were at Walmart, I picked up some hair dye. I have been bored with my hair for a while and I don't want to cut it yet, so I decided to dye it, temporarily.

When we got home I dyed my hair and got ready to go out to meet friends. Oh, and I didn't tell them I was going to dye my hair. I met up with them at the Trout. They claimed to like my hair, even though it was REALLY bright that first night. Anyhow, we hung out there for a while before heading home.

Photos:

Day 327:

this is what was going on in my bed while I was trying to write my paper. . .

Day 327:

red?!?

Saturday (February 13) I had to get up early to head home and get ready to go to Indian River to the smokehouse for training for fire school. I changed my clothes and thew my hair in a ponytail and grabbed an air pack and headed to the smoke house.

For those of you reading this who aren't firefighters, the smokehouse is a two story building that was built specifically for training, there are movable walls in it so the training can be changed up and you don't become familiar with the set up after a couple training sessions.Then they use a smoke machine (breathable smoke) to fill the building so we can train in it doing searches with our air packs on.

Zach (my training partner) wasn't in town for the training because he had to do something for work, so I teamed up with Jill (a friend of mine from high school). The training was awesome. I think all of us who were there loved it. I can't wait to do it again!

After training, I came back home and did my homework that was due on Sunday and got ready to go back out to see a friend. We hung out at the house and watched TV for a while, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep a couple times. We were both kinda hungry though, so we went out to McDonald's and got some food. While we were there we decided to go to the Trout for a bit. I was so tired, but was more than happy to go along with him, well just before we got there he asked if I would rather just go back home and relax and I said absolutely. I know for a fact that I slept through whatever we were watching on TV then. And we went to bed early! I think all my staying up late and not sleeping through the night because of heartburn was catching up to me.

Pictures:

Day 328:

Kallie sleeping in the bathroom cupboard while I got ready.

Day 328:

I had just woken up from one of my naps on the couch.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

On Sunday (February 14) my day started out great! I spent the morning with my friend, he got me roses and a card. This is especially significant because we had the not doing anything for Valentine's Day talk at least twice. Then one night at the Trout there was a guy going on and on about buying flowers for girls that he wants to be with or is with and told me how he better buy me flowers for Valentine's Day. Later he told me if I was lucky I would get a card. Whatever, I really didn't care either way. But I can tell you I was very happy to get the flowers in the morning, which he said was his whole plan. If I was expecting nothing I would be happy with anything, little does he know, I've learned not to have high expectations (not dissing anyone) and that I am always happy with anything. :)

Anyhow, we were supposed to be going to a late lunch/early dinner with Krissi and Seth, so I went home at a decent time so I could be ready to go to lunch with them whenever they called. Well, Krissi called me to tell me that they wouldn't be going home that day, so we wouldn't be doing lunch. When I called my friend to tell him he told me I should go to my fire meeting and he was busy in the evening.

So I went to my meeting. It wasn't all that exciting, I find we rarely discuss fire related stuff so I'm often bored. When I got home I worked on some homework. When he was done with his stuff he called me and I headed out to his place, gave him his Valentine's Day gift (just because he told me we weren't doing anything doesn't mean I listen!) and hung out with him for a while.

Pictures:

Day 329:

my flowers.

Day 329:

I curled my hair. :)

Monday (February 15) we really were going to lunch with Krissi and Seth, so I came home early and got ready to go out to lunch, then I worked on some homework and hung out with Dad until Krissi called to say they were on their way.

At that point, I went to my friend's and we hung out. We watched TV and talked while I knitted. When they got into town we went down to the Trout to meet them for lunch. It was so great seeing them! I missed Krissi so much!! Hell, I miss everyone from the 409 so much! I need to go visit them, but right now there are so many reasons I can't. Both because I am too busy and because I'm not certain that I am emotionally ready to deal with the relationship that I would inevitably see. I will be soon enough though. :) Anyhow, lunch was great, we caught up and spent some time reminiscing about some things. My only complaint was that it wasn't nearly long enough.

After lunch, Krissi and Seth headed back to Kalamazoo and we went back to his place. We hung out there for the hour or so we had left before we had to leave for class. Fire class was short again and I can't think of anything that was worth commenting on. When we got home from class we watched the CBS comedy shows (which were all reruns, boo) and looked up stuff online and just talked. I love just hanging out with him. (Which is obviously a good thing, right?) We called it a night kinda early because I had to be up early today.

Pictures:

Day 330:

my takeout box that Krissi decorated for me.

Day 330:

:)

Today I met Dad in Cheboygan so we could take the car into the shop. They told us to wait a bit and come back and they could tell us what was up with it. So, we went to Walmart and wandered around, got gas in Dad's truck and went to McDonald's for breakfast.

When we went back to get the truck they told Dad what work needed to be done on it and that they would need to keep it, so we headed home. I'm not feeling the greatest today so I spent a lot of the day in bed. I also worked on cleaning my room and worked on a bit of homework.

In the late afternoon, I had to get ready to go to the Firefighter's Association meeting., so I did. The meeting went well. There was some drama, as there always is. Ya know, you would think in a room of all grown men the drama would be minimal. . . . well you would be wrong. Oh well, it didn't involve me directly so I don't care.

After the meeting, Dad and I came home and I worked on editing my pictures of the day and this blog. I think I will be heading to bed shortly, so I'm confident in ending today's post here. . . :)

Photos:

Day 331:

the candy i got from my parents', before I devoured it.

Day 331:

i think the hair color changes daily. . .lol.

♥ Sara

Random Fact of the Day:

New York taxi drivers collectively speak 60 languages.

"Love unlocks doors and opens up windows that weren't even there before."

-Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Pain and Forgiveness.

Ok, I have some stuff to put in here that I didn't have a spot to write about in any of the days and I think it deserves it's own post. I don't think it's a secret any more (and I think it was only a secret because they were hiding it from me) so I'm going to talk candidly about what happened that I was upset about before. Justin and Katie (which unless you are new to this blog you know that they are my ex and my best friend, and that best friend is an understatement) are dating. It was supposedly called off after I found out and flipped out (mainly because they lied to me), well they lied to me again about it.

But. . . .

Contrary to my "dealing with it" mechanisms in the past (and I'm not just talking the past month, or the past year, or the past five years, I'm talking about my entire life) decided to. . . .to. . . um. . . . try to get over it. . . . forgive them. . . deal with their relationship. . . . try to be friends with Justin. . . . try not to lose Katie . . . . I'm really not sure how to put it?

In the past short period of time, I have realized hiding pain behind a hardass, bitchy exterior isn't going to get me anywhere but in more pain. And part of this has to do with the two of them, part of it has to do with the fact that my boyfriend is my carbon copy and that makes me realize a lot about myself. (Don't be alarmed, everything is great between us.) So, I decided that my pain will show, even if that means tears will show. (If you know me well, you know I hate crying in front of anyone, no matter how important you are to me. I have issues with the idea that someone sees me as weak.)

So, in a second bold, brave, scary, heart-wrenching, stomach-in-throat move, I decided to send the two of them a message letting them know that I know, that I'm not mad, but I am incredibly hurt. Heartbroken doesn't begin to cover it. Devastated doesn't touch it.

Because they are dating? Well, I'm not going to lie, it rubs me the wrong way. Actually it shouldn't bother me at all. . . I have been calling this for at least 6 months. AT LEAST. I can think of 8 separate occasions where it was something that was discussed (that if Justin and I ever split that him and Katie would date). They both told me not in a million years. Well, for the record, once my wounds are healed, the two of you can expect a lot of razzing from me about your relationship and the fact that I was right! :P

Because they lied to me not only once but multiple times? Absolutely. It kills me that the two of them didn't respect me enough to tell me the truth, I do *kinda* understand why. I can be kinda scary. . . but they are 290 miles away, it's not like I could actually hurt them.

Back to the message. . . I told them I was hurt. I told them how I felt. I told them how it affected me. Here is a small portion of the letter. . . because I like what I said and want to share it.

I feel like I have lost so much in the last month, yet on the other hand I have gained a lot. [. . .] But I still believe that everything happens for a reason and I can say with 100% certainty that no matter the reason you (Justin) and I split it was the right thing and I know I am in a better place because of it. I honestly hope you are too. I have yet to understand the reason I had to lose you, Katie, or lose both of you as friends. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to understand that.

In the past month, I have realized so much. I have realized that I trust too easily and that I am good at setting myself up to get hurt.

I have realized that you, Justin, are not, and never were, the right person for me. On the positive side, I learned a lot from our relationship and that has made me a better person.

I have realized that I need friends who have the balls to tell me the truth, no matter how upset I may be.

I have realized that I am incredibly lucky to have found the people I found up here. I don't know how I would have made it through this without them. If you two ever talked to me you would understand what I mean by that.

I guess I really don't know what to say from here. I feel like I'm the only one of the three of us trying to salvage any sort of friendship, even though I feel like I should be the one cutting all ties and telling you both to eff off.

So, respond or not, your choice, just know that there's no reason to hide shit from me anymore.

I hope you two are happy together and that this works out for you. (There is absolutely no sarcasm in there whatsoever.)

I cannot describe how hard it was for me to send that letter. You can't begin to understand how much I love Katie. When Justin and I were together it was a running joke that if I ever had to choose one of them it would be Katie, hands down. That wasn't really a joke. Would I like to maintain a friendship with Justin? Yes. But that isn't my top priority. I don't want to lose the girl that I have turned to with every little thing you can imagine for the past year.

But this story seems to have a happy ending, for now. . . .and I hope it only gets happier from here.

Right after I sent that Justin and I spent three hours talking about stuff. Am I happy about everything we talked about? No. If I knew he was going to treat her right and try his damnedest not to hurt her would I support their relationship? I would try with everything I have. The best part of the conversation was when I didn't yell at him when he was expecting it. It really isn't worth it. I'm not angry. I'm not pissed. I don't want to hurt either of them. So, by the end of the conversation, Justin and I were good (at least in my eyes, I can't speak for him).

That night Katie tried to call me and I had my phone off from class so we didn't get to talk until the next day. Our conversation went well as well. She might actually come visit me next month, which would be great!! :) I really don't want to lose her.

Another reason I decided to do this is I am happy, minus this situation. There's no reason I should let any guy, no matter who he is, come between my best friend and I. But I do need her to be honest with me, and she knows this.

Now you know most of the story. There are some things that I left out to make this a bearable read, but they were minor details. The moral of the story: yes, I will still have some trust issues, but I think they can be repaired. I forgive them for lying to me. If they decide to have a serious relationship, I will support them. If he hurts her, there's a good chance I might hurt him. (Consider yourself warned, Justin, you know how much I love that woman. :P ) In the end, I hope that Justin and I can be friends and that Katie and I's friendship isn't altered much, if at all.

Plus. . . I didn't want to have to cut my ankle off. . . I have a contract, ya know?!? ;)

"Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule."
-Lewis B. Smedes

Meeting the Parents.

Since the last post, so much has happened, but I just haven't found the time to sit down and write about it. Between homework, fire school, more homework, meetings, tax season starting (I haven't done a while lot there, but have worked on some accounting), and spending time with friends I haven't found the time to sit down, edit my pictures and compose my thoughts. Well tonight I'm supposed to be just working on homework, but I'm going to catch this up too!

I know ya'll missed my exciting life before I moved back home, well I have a feeling that it's almost as exciting now, so you can look forward to more worthwhile posts and less blah blah blah I-don't-care-about-this posts. :)

I will keep this post in chronological order, maybe even go by day, but it may get long, because I have a lot to say . . . . again.

Let's see, Wenesday (February 3rd) I spent my day working on my blog! As you know, I got all caught up that day. It was a big, difficult, step for me. After that was done I worked on my accounting stuff and did some homework. I didn't go out that night because I had stuff to get done.

Pictures:

Day 318:

my desk.

Day 318:

ew.

Thursday I did some more accounting and homework before I had fire school. I have class every Monday and Thursday evening. It's rarely worth talking about. Yes, it is typically interesting and usually fun, but not worth spending my time writing about. Plus I think a lot of the things are either boring or stuff you have to be there to understand, if that makes sense. After class, I hung out with friends for a while. It was kind of a low key night.

Photos:

Day 319:

my external hard drive. :)

Day 319:

'meat is murder. tasty, tasty murder.'

Friday was another homework day. Between fire school and college, I do a TON of homework. In the evening, I went out and hung out with the guys for a while.We watched the Hangover. (Some of them hadn't seen it before and I would watch it over and over again.) When it was over we went out to the Breakers for a bit before turning in for the night.

Pics:

Day 320:

i think i made this in middle school, it needs to be repainted. and yes it has hung there since i made it.

Day 320:

love the snow!

Saturday I was talking to my parents and they asked if my friend and I wanted to go out to dinner with them and my Uncle Dave and Viann, we decided we would go for it. My parents hadn't yet met him. Yeah, as it turns out this day was a month of us hanging out or dating or whatever. I'm not sure who I was hiding from who, but it wasn't intentional.

After this was decided, it was mentioned that we needed groceries. Well mom isn't well enough that she could go grocery shopping AND make it out to dinner, so dad and I decided to go. Ironically, as we were leaving he told me that he was going grocery shopping. So, we ran into him in the store and dad got to meet him before dinner. I'm not going to mention the comments that were made before they met. They are horrible. Anyhow, we finished our shopping, dad played hide and seek and retard in the grocery store, I'm not sure why I took him with me. When we got home we put away the groceries and I took a nap before getting ready to go out to dinner.

We picked him up and went to Gaylord for dinner. It started out pretty boring and I felt bad for dragging him along, but towards the end of dinner/after dinner we started getting included in the conversation and Dad and Dave started telling stories about their drinking days, which is always good for a laugh or ten.

After dinner, we went back to his place and hung out. Then we went out to the Trout to meet up with some of his friends, when the Trout closed we headed out to Afton for a bit before going back to the house to hang out before calling it a night.

Pictures:

Day 321:

my favorite shoes. ever.

Day 321:

tired.

Sunday I had to spend my day finishing my homework because I have such a tendency to slack off on it. (I should be writing a paper right now, point proven?) So I worked on homework until, well until it was done. Then I got ready and headed out to watch what was left of the Super Bowl. I got there half way through halftime. My goal was to make it by halftime so I wasn't too late. After the game we watched tv for a bit before calling it a night early.

Pictures:

Day 322:

my travel size perfume.

Day 322:

:)

Monday I had to do my fire homework before I went to class. Then I had class. Afterwards I went out and watched the CBS comedy line up, CSI and the news before we called it a night early again. He was sick and needed his rest and I don't want to catch it so I need mine too.

Pictures:

Day 323:

mmmm.

Day 323:

lol.

Yesterday I started my day off by going up to the hospital and picking Dad up. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention my grandma fell and broke her hip Sunday morning. Monday she had surgery and tomorrow she's going to rehab. So she's doing as good as could be expected. Dad was at the hospital visiting her. We also got Chinese for lunch. . . I had been craving it for a good week, so it was necessary.

We came back to the house, I took a nap and took an exam before getting ready to go to our meeting. We had a meeting for the Firefighter's Association Party Committee to go over the final plans for the dinner & dance fundraiser. Everything seems to be going smoothly and of course I have a hundred and one things to do for it. Oh well, I enjoy it.

Since Dad's truck is in the shop I stayed home last night so my parents would have a car here. I talked to Katie for a while (see the end for my blurb about that) before callin it a night early.

Pictures:

Day 324:

the monkey i made at build-a-bear on my senior trip.

Day 324:

i love my hair in this shot.

Today I worked on some stuff for the Fireman's Ball, but I wasn't feeling the greatest so a couple hours after I got up I went back to bed. I ended up sleeping an extra four hours and man, did it feel good. I worked on some homework, got all my fire school work done for tomorrow, read some stuff for children's lit and started preparing to write a paper before I got distracted with photo editing and blog writing.

I ended up not going out tonight because of the lack of truck, which was ok because I had stuff to do anyhow.

Photos:

Day 325:

my boa and crown from yay day. katie painted it black for me.

Day 325:

productive day = no makeup.

♥ Sara

Random Fact of the Day:

Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell.

"I want to spend the time I have doing things that make my heart rage."

-Valerie Brennan