We will make it.

Lately, I have heard numerous comments like "If you [they] make it" (depending on if I was hearing it first or second hand). And I've had a ghost from my past come back in my life [again], the same ghost that has made me doubt nearly every relationship I have been in. But this time, it was different. This time he just made me realize how happy I really am. How sure I really am. How definite this really is.

How do I know? I never thought you would ask. ;)

(Mind you this is not a comprehensive list, and there are some reasons that just cannot be put into words.)

I don't think "what if?"

If you know me well, you know I *always* wonder what if, about everything. That is, everything except my relationship with John. I don't wonder what if it hadn't *finally* happened. I don't wonder what if I had dated someone else. I can't imagine my life without him now.

I don't like having a guy flirt with me.

In every other relationship I have been in I still appreciated it when a guy tried hitting on me or picking me up. I liked knowing that if (when) it ended I had other options (I realize how bad that makes me sound). Now I just find it annoying.

I have everything I want, and no other guy has a shot with me.

I have no desire to do things I used to.

I don't drink. I don't go to the bars. I don't go to parties.

I don't miss it.

I am content with my life right now (minus the job situation).

Most of my life I have wanted to change something. I've wanted to run. I've wanted to be somewhere else. I have felt trapped in many of my life situations. And when I didn't feel trapped I felt like something is missing.

I don't want to leave.

We have had a few fights, fights that in the past would have made me run. I am good at running. I am good at not caring.

Just not when it comes to him.

I cry.

Now I know this sounds odd to you, random reader, but you, close friend of mine, completely understand this. I don't cry. Correction - I didn't cry. I used to say that the reason I didn't cry was because I didn't care enough to cry. I think I was right. Rather than getting angry, I cry. Rather than yelling, I cry. Rather than leaving, I cry.

And I am no longer ashamed to admit it. I have feelings.

I love him.

It's not a blind love. I have my faults, he has his. Like I already stated, we do argue. We do get crabby. But, I still love him. I still want to be with him. I still want to marry him. And, it's incredibly difficult to stay mad at him for any length of time.

Moral of the story: You may not have confidence in us but I do. And that's all that matters. So, talk away, you're the one who looks bad by doing so. But, it would probably be a better idea to invest that time and energy in your own relationships rather than talking shit about mine, you might be happier that way.

♥ Sara

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. . . You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore." -Neil Gaiman