I think I've figured out a way. . .

to blog more often.

I downloaded an app on my phone! (I'm trying to remember how I lived without a smart phone. So ironic considering I was adamantly against getting one. . . ) Now I just click the icon and I am writing a post. Much more convenient. . . :)

Work
I am working at the Clarion this summer and it's nothing like last summer was. I am only working around 40 to 50 hours and told Dave (the manager) that I *won't* work more than 60.

I have too many other, more important, things to be doing with my time.

It's also different from the aspect of the stress level. I'm doing the same job, but Dave runs the hotel is much different than anywhere else I have worked. It's much calmer and low stress.

Class
That's right. I'm taking a class again. In the summer. I need my head examined.

I'm taking a class for my EMT Basic certification. I've talked about and thought about doing it since I got into the fire service, and I finally decided it was what I wanted to do.

So now I spend at least 8 hours a week in class, plus study time and soon I'll be doing clinicals too. *sigh*

But, it will all be over in August.

Then I'll be on call with the ambulance.

And shortly after that we'll have the

Wedding
Wedding planning is going well. I'm freaking out about it but I think I'm actually pretty on top of things.

I have my dress. The girl's dresses are ordered. The cake is paid for. The flowers are set up. We have an officiant, reception hall, ceremony site and photographer. The flower girl and ringbearer items are at the house. The DJ and caterer are set. I have the invitations being made. And my super awesome cake topper is here.

I am most worried about the decorations and favors because I am doing them (with the assistance of my awesome nieces). Other than that, I need to figure out who is doing our hair, get the bar set, order the tuxes, buy gifts, get the dress altered and write vows. Just a few things. ;-)

Spare Time
I have none!!

Other exciting news: John and I are planning on building an addition to our tiny house. VERY exciting!!

Well, that's all for now. I'll be writing soon!
♥ Sara

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Jabruary.

I know, I've gone missing again. . . .

Here's what I've decided. I'm not going to worry about blogging about every detail I missed since the last time I posted (unless it's significant). I seem to worry about posting a lot of information or details, which stresses me out because I get to far behind, so I put it off, then I get further behind and it is a vicious, vicious cycle.

Since the last time I posted about life. . . here are a few highlights:
January 30 - My mom, Tierney and I went dress shopping in Gaylord. The dress-shop-lady was willing to accept my old dress for a credit on a new dress. I guess that means I won't be able to have a million adventures in my old dress. (See this post for what I'm talking about. . . :) ) But I am very excited about my new dress. It is gorgeous! (And it was the first one I tried on. . . WHY does it always happen that way?! I can try on 500 dresses and always end up with the first one.)

January 31 - We signed the contract for our reception hall!

February 9-13 - John went to Canada. Now, I had a million and one plans of things I was going to do while he was gone: things I wanted to do around the house, wedding plans I wanted to work on, etc. He should have been gone a month. . .lol. Instead I ended up spending quite a bit of time with my family and his family, more his than mine. I had dinner with family every night, and made it to one of Tier's games. I might not have gotten my stuff done, but I was certainly happy to see him when he got home. :)

February 21 - Krissi and Seth stopped in on their way from Cedarville to Kalamazoo, it was so good to see them! :)

February 26 - We had the 7th Annual Cheboygan County Dinner Dance and Auction. Remember last year? I made 1107 jello shots? This year, I cut it back to 900, thinking that I just made too many last year. Well, this year I was sold out by 930, and I started selling at 7!! The party was definitely fun, and better than last year because I was able to relax more, we made more money, and I had John with me. :)

Other highlights: snowmobiling, ice fishing, playing cards with Nate and Melissa, a couple fire runs (nothing too exciting), John shaved my cat (yes you read that right), spending time with Ricky, having dinners with each set of parents, taking Rickers and spending a day with my mom, working on other wedding plans, cuddling on the couch watching movies once in a while. . . just life. :)

Now that I feel "caught up" hopefully I can start posting more.
♥ Sara

"Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know
too much to learn something new."
-Og Mandino

We will make it.

Lately, I have heard numerous comments like "If you [they] make it" (depending on if I was hearing it first or second hand). And I've had a ghost from my past come back in my life [again], the same ghost that has made me doubt nearly every relationship I have been in. But this time, it was different. This time he just made me realize how happy I really am. How sure I really am. How definite this really is.

How do I know? I never thought you would ask. ;)

(Mind you this is not a comprehensive list, and there are some reasons that just cannot be put into words.)

I don't think "what if?"

If you know me well, you know I *always* wonder what if, about everything. That is, everything except my relationship with John. I don't wonder what if it hadn't *finally* happened. I don't wonder what if I had dated someone else. I can't imagine my life without him now.

I don't like having a guy flirt with me.

In every other relationship I have been in I still appreciated it when a guy tried hitting on me or picking me up. I liked knowing that if (when) it ended I had other options (I realize how bad that makes me sound). Now I just find it annoying.

I have everything I want, and no other guy has a shot with me.

I have no desire to do things I used to.

I don't drink. I don't go to the bars. I don't go to parties.

I don't miss it.

I am content with my life right now (minus the job situation).

Most of my life I have wanted to change something. I've wanted to run. I've wanted to be somewhere else. I have felt trapped in many of my life situations. And when I didn't feel trapped I felt like something is missing.

I don't want to leave.

We have had a few fights, fights that in the past would have made me run. I am good at running. I am good at not caring.

Just not when it comes to him.

I cry.

Now I know this sounds odd to you, random reader, but you, close friend of mine, completely understand this. I don't cry. Correction - I didn't cry. I used to say that the reason I didn't cry was because I didn't care enough to cry. I think I was right. Rather than getting angry, I cry. Rather than yelling, I cry. Rather than leaving, I cry.

And I am no longer ashamed to admit it. I have feelings.

I love him.

It's not a blind love. I have my faults, he has his. Like I already stated, we do argue. We do get crabby. But, I still love him. I still want to be with him. I still want to marry him. And, it's incredibly difficult to stay mad at him for any length of time.

Moral of the story: You may not have confidence in us but I do. And that's all that matters. So, talk away, you're the one who looks bad by doing so. But, it would probably be a better idea to invest that time and energy in your own relationships rather than talking shit about mine, you might be happier that way.

♥ Sara

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. . . You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore." -Neil Gaiman

Goodbye 2010. Hello 2011.

Well hello there! I'm back, for now. . . ;)

Since Christmas we have been pretty busy.

Some of the highlights:

We've had dinner with my family a couple times, once my parents came here and we went to my brother and sister in law's for dinner once. I love having dinner with the family. And I really love spending time with my niece and nephew. I don't see them nearly enough anymore. When I still lived with my mom and dad full time I saw them almost daily, now I see them maybe twice a month. And living 45 minutes away doesn't help that. . . Oh well, part of growing up I guess. . . .

Shawnia and the kids came up to go to the water park. The hotel I work at has a water park connected to it, so we spent a few hours there and then had dinner with them.

Katie and Justin came up here on vacation for New Years so one night John, Ricky and I went to Petoskey to have dinner with them. It was. . . different. I wish I could say our relationship was completely repaired and back to normal. But, regrettably, I can't. It was somewhat awkward for me (and it takes a lot to make me awkward). I was very happy to see them though. Justin got a job in Chicago and they have moved there, so I don't know when I'll see them again. I do wish that Katie and I talked more. . . maybe with time.

John and I stayed in and didn't do anything special for New Year's Eve. Just spent the night together. Perfection in my eyes. :)

On the 4th and 5th, John and I pulled up our carpet in the living room and put down laminate wood flooring. I *love* it. It's so much easier to clean and looks so much nicer!

Old Floor. . .

New Floor!

Also on the 5th we had our first fire together. Well, by the time we got there it wasn't a fire anymore, but rather just overhauling. It was still enjoyable, and definitely a long night. (Why is it that the majority of fire calls seem to happen in the middle of the effing night?!?)

I'll be writing another post about my cousin's lovely wedding! :D

♥ Sara

"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us."
-Hal Borland

Merry Christmas! (two days late!)

I spent most of this week baking and making candies in order to prepare for the day after Christmas. I made roughly 20 dozen cookies and over 20 dozen candies. Every year I say I'm not doing it again. . . but I always do. . .

December 23rd I not only baked and made candy, but I also finished wrapping my gifts and made a gingerbread house. We had Ricky, so of course I had help doing all of the above. :) He is so adorable.

[I find it so ironic that one of the reasons I was hesitant to date John was because he had a son. I had a list of reasons why that would bother me, and now that little boy has me wrapped right around his finger.]

I had bought a gingerbread house to make for my 101/1001 project back at the beginning of the season. With the move and settling into the house I hadn't had an opportunity to make it. And I kept telling John he was going to help me, he kept telling me he wasn't. I cheated, I got the kid involved. ;) So, the three of us decorated the gingerbread house. Quite possibly the most pathetic one I have ever seen, and I'm pretty sure that was due to the adults. But we had fun, and that's all that matters.

Christmas Eve I had to work until 4, but after that we had our Christmas with Rickers (he was at his mom's for Christmas Day). He opened his presents and we ate dinner. Then we played with his toys for a bit before going home and watching a movie until it was time for him to leave.

After his mom picked him up, John and I our gifts since I wouldn't be around on Christmas Day. He got me a gorgeous necklace, tools and a toolbox. :) When we were done exchanging gifts we walked over to his sister and brother-in-law's for a little bit before I had to be lame and go to bed.

my necklace. :)

tools and box. :)

I was scheduled to work 7 am until 2 am on Christmas Day, but two of my co-workers, Andy and Wesley, love me and worked it out so I could leave at 7 pm. *insert big smiles here* I got out of work and snuck over to John's parents' house. I didn't even bother stopping at our house to change. It was Christmas and I wanted to spend it with people I care about. We were at his family gathering for a while before we headed home for the night.

Baking still wasn't finished. I made my eclairs and called it a night. I was exhausted and knew I needed sleep in order to make it through yesterday.

Yesterday, we got up in the morning and I finished the eclairs and my last batch of chocolates, got ready and headed to my parents' house. We opened gifts with them, then open gifts with Jason and Shawnia and had dinner. Later in the evening some of my dad's family came over for cookies and candies.

Of course, just as we were sitting down for dinner, I got a call from work asking me to come in because someone else was a no-show. I initially told them I would come in right after dinner. John and the family exploded. They are all sick of me being willing to go in at the drop of a hat, no matter what other plans I have, no matter what I am doing, no matter who I am with, no matter how I feel.

They stole my keys.

So I told work I would be in when I could, and only ended up working for like three hours. In that time, John took down our tree and cleaned the living room.

I know. . . I'm lucky.

Merry Christmas ya'll!!

John couldn't find any gift tags. . .

neither could Dad. . . .

SCARY!

♥ Sara

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy
family all wrapped up in each other."
-Burton Hillis

Pre-Christmas Blog.

There's just something about writing at work that is so much more. . . convenient. . . than writing at home. In my defense it has been a busy week!!

Work, of course, took up it's normal forty or so hours. Nothing worth writing about there, as usual.

Home life has been pretty busy as well. . .

I got my Christmas cards out finally!! I was going to write a "Christmas letter" of sorts on here, but have decided to wait until January 1st and look back at the year, like I usually do. :)

my finished cards, waiting to be mailed. :)

I also have all but two gifts that are at the house wrapped. Neither of which are from me. I beg my parents to let me wrap their gifts because I love wrapping so much. And I have most of my shopping done. I just need to pick up a couple more things. . .but that involves finding time to run to town without John. Maybe this week one of the days that he's at work and I'm off. Oh wait, better be this week!!! Christmas is one week away! I have no idea where this year went. Wait, yes, yes I do. Work. >_<

This week I also got everything of mine put away and the house is all cleaned. There's just something about having a clean house that puts me in a very good mood. John is learning to deal with my organizational issues (I think). He was (playfully) upset when he came home and realized his clothes were almost as organized as mine. But hey, I do the laundry and put the clothes away, so I get to keep them organized, right?

Ooh! I never talked about the crazy snow we got here did I?! Last week I came into work and it took me 10 minutes to get from our house to work (usually takes 2) and fifteen to rock my baby back and forth to get her though the snow in the driveway. She's not made for snow that is deeper than her bumper is tall. Haha!

This is right after I pulled in the driveway. The windows were already not seeable.

Covering my lens so it didn't get covered in snow.

You can see where I plowed the snow with the bottom of my car. Bah!

Let's see, what else is going on. I guess just prepping for Christmas.

I offered to work Christmas Day back before John and I were together. I knew there was no way I would be lucky enough to get the entire day off. And the likelihood that I would be able to go to my parents' for any length of time would be slim. So I figured I might as well work and let everyone else have the day off. Well, I got my schedule for next week. And I work from 7 til 2 on Christmas. I know, you're thinking "that's not bad." Now let me put the actual times in there 7:00 AM until 2:00 AM. Yes, NINETEEN hours. *shakes head* I asked for it.

But on the bright side. . . We're having a family get together with my Dad's family on the 26th and I will be spending the 24th with John and his family (or at least Rickers). AND I get three days off to spend baking! :D Well, I'll be updating on Christmas if not before!

♥ Sara

"Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves."
-Eric Sevareid

Dryer.

It's official, I really am settling down and turning into a 90-year old woman. I was just talking to my coworker because he called me at 10 last night and I was wondering what he wanted. He had wanted me to go to the bar with him. (I haven't been to the bar in over a month. And it's been even longer than that since I last drank alcohol.) Irregardless, I was sleeping/watching a movie with John when he called so I didn't hear my phone or answer.

We were talking and he asked if there was anything interesting going on in my life. My answer "We're getting a new dryer tonight!"Followed by the realization that I just sounded stupidly old and responsible. Gah! What happened to me?! *smiles*When I'm done working we will go to Cheboygan and get our new dryer and then I will finish this post! :)

Update time. . . we went to Cheboygan to get the dryer that night, only to find out the hours online were not the correct hours and Sears was closed *insert John's frustrated and my incredibly patient face here*. So, we had to go back on Sunday to get it.

We found a really good deal on one and took it home that night. After a little bit of frustration getting it into the spot it needed to be in, and me having to change the door around so it opened on the opposite side of normal, I am finally drying my last load of laundry! (Mind you, we had EIGHT loads that had piled up due to a lack of laundry services. And I washed a couple and hung the clothes up because some of us don't have enough clothes to go without doing laundry for like three months (hint, that isn't me!))

Here's a picture for ya!

♥ Sara

"Behind every working woman is an enormous pile of unwashed laundry."

-Barbara Dale

Done Moving.

Oh, life, how I love you.

In addition to blogging I keep a personal journal that includes those thoughts that I am not prepared to share with the world. (I know, you're shocked there are any aren't you?) I'm going to start out by sharing a small excerpt from that. . .

"My life cracks me up.
The irony is too much to bear at times.
The timing is amazing.
The way everything falls together (or apart) causes me to believe even more
in fate."

Everything is going great with John. No, it's not all rainbows and butterflies, but then again it shouldn't be. If it was, then it's not real. Life isn't all rainbows and butterflies all the time. After much consideration and discussion between us as well as between my mom and I (you know how I feel about my parents' approval), I moved in with him.

It just made more sense than paying for an apartment that I was rarely at. I'm still not completely unpacked, but I can guarantee I won't be moving or helping anyone move for a very very long time. This makes the fourth official move since June (to Aqua, back home, to the apartment, to John's). I am so over moving!!!

So I have spent a lot of my time outside of work unpacking, cleaning and organizing. It should be all done this weekend. I have banned myself from anymore Christmas related stuff until I get everything done in order to motivate myself to do it.

My cards are mostly finished, I just need a couple more addresses and to decide whether I'm including a letter of some type or not. . . I know, I need to get that done! My shopping is almost done, I just need to pick up a couple more things in Cheboygan and (im)patiently wait for my packages to arrive.

Work is going, well, as good as work can go. I love only working forty hours, but I miss the paychecks that came with 105 hour weeks! I still have a strong desire to actually find myself a job in my field. I miss helping others. I would love to find a job working with kids, especially full families.

I don't think I mentioned this already but I'm putting grad school on hold. My heart isn't in it at all. And I can't force myself to spend that much time doing something that I'm not passionate about. (I think I was in the wrong mentality when I chose what I was going for, I wholeheartedly believe that had I chosen Marriage and Family Therapy, I would still be going to school.)

I think that catches you up on my life! :)
♥ Sara

"May the roof above us never fall in
And may we good companions beneath it
never fall out."
-Irish Blessing

Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

As I write this, I am at work. And so full that I feel as though I might throw up. :)

This morning I got ready for work and went out to John's parents' house with him for a little while. We played with Ricky and just hung out for a bit before I had to go to work.

I volunteered to work today because at that time I didn't know I was going to end up in relationship and definitely didn't expect it to be one where I would feel comfortable going to Thanksgiving dinner with his entire family. I should learn to stop expecting stuff. And I knew my family's Thanksgiving wouldn't work for me unless I was to have the entire day off and that certainly wasn't going to happen.

So I have to work noon until midnight today. But have no fear, John brought me an amazing Thanksgiving dinner. I ate about 1/3 of it before I had to give up and put it in the fridge for later. I've been dieting for a couple months trying to (healthily) lose the weight that I gained after I started working up here so my body doesn't know what to do with this much food.

my Thanksgiving dinner. . . I was warned dessert would be coming later. Eek! :)

While I am here, and since it is Thanksgiving, I figured I would share a few things I am thankful for this year. Not something I usually do.

I am. . .

. . . thankful for my parents. They have done so much for me and I definitely wouldn't be at this place in my life without their help.

. . . thankful for my job. Even though I hate it at times, for the most part I love it. And I'm just happy to have one.

. . . thankful for volunteer opportunites. I love the fire department and am looking into working at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in Cheboygan if I ever get the right days off.

. . . thankful for my friends. I have numerous "groups" of friends and I don't know what I would do without them. I have been through so much in the last year or so and they have been there for me through it all.

. . . thankful for my health. I'm hoping this isn't me jinxing myself but I am so happy that I have went *so* long without being truly sick. A cold is nothing. I have had no relapses with my autoimmune stuff and my biopsies have been coming back the same as "normal" for me.

. . . thankful for my furbabies. They are great, I'm happy to have them living with me again.

. . . thankful to be on my own. There's something about taking care of myself and my own stuff that makes me feel amazing. (Although now I have someone helping take care of me, but that's different. *smiles*)

. . . thankful for him. SO thankful for him. He is exactly what I want, and, I think I met him at exactly the right time.

. . . thankful for my life in general. There isn't much I would change, and none of it is major. :)

♥ Sara

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Happiness.

Where, oh where, do I begin?

I guess I'll begin on day 1.

Day one for this story happens to be almost a year ago, December 15, 2009. . . .

This happened to be the date of the Cheboygan County Firefighters' Association meeting in Mackinaw City. This was the day we first saw each other. Now, yes, I realize this story is likely to be incredibly long, but I am going to thoroughly enjoy writing it.

Back to December 15, since the meeting was in Mackinaw, he decided to go for once. Dad (always more observant about how guys look at me than I am) asked me afterward if I noticed the new firefighters. I said yes, one in particular, and described him. Dad said yeah, well he noticed you too. . . Now, me, being me, my nose was too far into my knitting to pay attention. (I'm not joking. . .)

From then on I saw him once a month at the Association meetings, and I would always try to find a reason to talk to him, but I'm never good at that. . . it certainly didn't help that I didn't even know his name. At the house he was referred to as "the attractive Mackinaw City firefighter" or "the cute Mackinaw City firefighter." I remember one day in the beginning of April (right after I started working in Mackinaw) that I ran into him in Walmart and came home and told my parents who I ran into, still not knowing a name. . . lol.

Shortly after the Association meeting at our station, I went out to the Dixie after work and Bob, the other Mackinaw City firefighter was there. We were talking about the meetings and I said I felt bad because there were a lot of people that I still didn't even know their names and he said "well there's John and I from Mackinaw City"!!!!! FINALLY!!! After over four months, I finally had a name. Not that it really helped me much, but it was a start. :)

The next day he friend requested me on Facebook. I remember that I found it so ironic that I find out his name one day and the next he decides we should be virtual friends.

Of course, I went flying up the stairs and was like "DAD! Guess who just friend requested me?!?" And Dad, not knowing nor being that excited, asks who. I replied "John" and he says who? THE ATTRACTIVE MACKINAW CITY FIREFIGHTER, DAD! Oh, ok. Haha, not nearly as excited as I was.

So, of course I added him. And we talked on Facebook now and then, I remember wanting to hang out with him but being far to scared to ask. . . (this is just funny now. . .). After some time he finally asked for my number (or I gave it to him). We met up at the Dixie a couple times and hung out.

When I moved into the Aqua Grand we would go for drives together. It was beneficial in more ways than one for me. First, I got to spend more time with him and got to know him a little better and second, I got out of that damn building and got a little bit of my sanity back. We went out a couple other times, once for food, once to the movies. He was always willing to help me out of I needed something. I'll share two of my favorites. . .

I had to have a biopsy on my finger (turned out there was nothing wrong) and the spot hurt like hell. Wearing a band-aid made it not hurt at all because it kept me from hitting the stupid thing. Well, I had decided to do dishes and got my band-aid wet, so it fell off. I needed a new one, but couldn't find one at the Aqua Grand. Meanwhile I was texting John (like normal) and had mentioned this to him. . . so what does he do? He delivers a handful of band-aids for me. . . .

Another day, life was insane at the Aqua Grand and I was talking to John, telling him about my day and that I was hungry. He asked what I wanted and like 10 minutes later I was eating. And if I remember correctly he brought me enough food for like a week. Haha. . .

I have never had a guy willing to go out of his way to just help me without expecting anything out of it. And he certainly didn't seem like he was expecting anything out of it. I didn't ever feel pressured when I was with him. He did mention at a couple points that he wanted to date me but when I said I wasn't ready he said he would wait.

And he did. Patiently.

When I told him I wanted to move to Mackinaw for real, he helped me find my apartment and move in. . . OK, he did all the work. He got me on Mackinaw City's Fire Department and just kept me company in general.

That's what got me. Had he been pushy or moody, I would have been very *very* hesitant to give him a chance.

I had time to get to know him. Time to decide whether I wanted to give him a chance. Time to realize how great he was. Time to realize how well he treated me. Time to realize what I wanted.

We've been able to spend quite a bit a time together lately, thanks to not-so-crazy work schedules and no fire meetings in the last week. We went for a walk in the woods, went grocery shopping, watched a movie, got (three) Christmas trees and drove around a lot (he drove, I knitted, we talked). It was great. :)

Also, he's met my parents. And they both like him. . . not only do they like him, they both like how he makes me feel, how happy I have been, how comfortable I seem.

Now you know. . . :)

Oh!! One more story. . . The other day when I was at work he told me that he had a surprise for me. Now, those of you who know me well, know that I don't mind surprises IF I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THEM. He knows this, but insisted on telling me that then not telling me what the surprise was, ass. Well, I came home from work (well, went to his place from work) and found a bouquet of flowers, just because he could. This is incredibly significant to me for two reasons. 1) I once told one of my friends that if I ever found a guy who got me just because flowers, I was never going to let him go. 2) I had NEVER gotten "just because" flowers. Sorry Flowers? Yes. Birthday Flowers? Yes. Valentine's Day Flowers? Yes. Yay Day Flowers? Yes. Just Because Flowers? NO.

My flowers. :)

us.

Yes, it snowed for the first time while we were looking for Christmas trees. . .

♥ Sara

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with."
-Gillian Anderson

The Penthouse Part 3 - The Video Tour

Just for you, Mom (and whoever else wants to watch it)!! :D

Sorry I look like crud. . .I've spent the day cleaning, organizing and doing homework. . . . :-/

♥ Sara

"If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been."
-Robert Brault

The Penthouse Part 2 - Photo Tour.

Since my mom can't come visit I decided to do a photo tour of my apartment for her, after many requests. Sorry mom, I wanted to make sure it was clean before I took pictures!!!

The stairs I will someday fall down.

My tiny kitchen.

My refrigerator *almost* opens all the way.

The rest of the kitchen.

Tiny sink.

The bathroom.

The infamous shower.

Ok, I can't stand up here. . .

I have to kneel or sit to shower. . . :-/

Dining table. . . into living room.

Vanity, dresser, bed, other dresser.

The view from the corner of my living room.

My living room.

Overall, I like it! :)

♥ Sara

"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had
rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their
closet."
-Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1825

The Penthouse.

Welp, yesterday I officially moved into my new apartment. I worked until 1, then unloaded my car. While I waited for dad to get here with his truck, I went with John to pick up a couch for the apartment. By the time I got back Nick and Dad had the truck unpacked with the exception of the big stuff. Dad and I took the mattress up then "supervised" the guys carrying up the rest. I have to say, it was some good entertainment. The door had to be taken off to get my box spring in the apartment, and the couch never did fit, no matter how they turned it or how hard they pushed. And it wasn't even *my* couch. [Those of you who helped me move before remember the disaster that my old couch was to move! In this blog post there is a pic to help you understand the mess that moving that couch was. My friends loved it. We even had to take thedoor off for that one too!]

*Thank you to Dad, John and Nick for helping!*

My new apartment is on the third floor (again) of an old house (aka, the attic) in Mackinaw City. Dad calls it the penthouse because I have the entire top floor, not hardly. I know, I'm *so* good at picking apartments to live in. (My old apartment was also on the third floor and a huge pain in the ass to move into, yet easy in comparison to this one.) But it's perfect for what I needed, I wouldn't mind a much larger kitchen, but sacrifices had to be made. And the shower is, well, an experience. (And if you ever come visit you will get to see exactly what I mean.) I'll post pictures on this blog as soon as I get them taken.

I am excited to be on my own. Excited to have the independence. Excited to not have to get up for work at five (blargh) anymore. Excited that once it starts snowing I won't have to turn a 45 minute drive into an over-two-hour drive because I won't be able to see a thing in a few spots. Excited that my parents and the rest of my family still only lives a short distance away and that I don't have to drive five hours to see them. Excited that when my family has get-togethers I can now request the afternoon off and go! Excited that my friends can come visit and have a place to stay (as long as they don't all come at once, lol).


Yes, some of these things make me nervous. But I'm definitely more excited than nervous! Be patient for the pictures, I want to get everything unpacked and my apartment cleaned before I take them. :)

one of the first pictures I took of the Bridge. . . IN NOVEMBER!

Song of the Day:
Speak Now by Taylor Swift
[I have been obsessed with this song lately. And I don't see there ever being a case where I want to use it because I relate to it (goodness, I hope not!!) so I figured I would post it here.]
♥ Sara

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-A. A. Milne

Oops.

Wow, I did *not* intend 'closure' to be my final blog for over 2 months. I had no idea what my life had in store for me. I've learned to not expect anything and to be willing to handle whatever lands in my lap, even if it isn't something I want to deal with.

Let's see. Last blog was written on August 28 . . . I worked my normal 9 am til midnight until Saturday the fourth of September. The morning girl called in sick and I ended up working an eighteen hour shift. Now before you think that is insane, listen to this. . . The next day I started work at noon, at noon Monday I clocked out. That is correct, I worked a 24 hour shift on Labor Day (how appropriate). After that I took a couple days off. Since then I've been working more reasonable hours, never over 80. Now I'm on a 40 hour week. So different.

I also dropped most of my classes. I just couldn't handle the classes and 105 hour weeks. And now there seems to be something going on in my life at all times so I'm only taking a couple classes.

I will be moving to Mackinaw City next week. All. By. Myself. This will be the first time ever that I moved somewhere alone. (Yes, I lived alone for awhile after Jeff and I split, but I was home every weekend and Katie stayed with me often.) I am very excited about this. I also joined Mackinaw City's fire department this week.

I don't have much time before I need to head to work, so I am going to leave it here and I will be posting again soon. Sorry for disappearing on you, but once I get moved in and settled I *should* have plenty of free time! :)
♥ Sara
"Leaving home in a sense involves a kind of second birth in which we give birth to ourselves."
-Robert Neely Bellah

Reflections.

on my way to my day off. . .

cooler with drinks, steak and salad + wood for a fire + private beach = perfection.

If I was to say my life right now was all I had imagined it would be at any point during the last ten years, I would be lying. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be working a over 100 hours a week and living in Mackinaw, I would have looked at them like they were crazy. Hell, a year ago I was still trying to stay in Kalamazoo!

Now, I'm not saying I hate my life or anything like that. It just makes me think about what could have been and what is to come. This is where my mind tends to wander while I'm at work for at least 15 hours a day.


I'm going to divide my thoughts into separate sections partially for your benefit, but mostly for mine to keep myself from rambling too much. :)

sunset at the end of my parents' road.

Love

I'm sure it shocks everyone (or no one) that this made my list of things to ramble about. I think the longer I am single, the more cynical I become. I don't know how to explain it. In the past, what, 5 or 6 years, this is the longest I have been without a relationship (I know, it's only been like six months. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing.). I find myself thinking critically of other people's relationships and looking back at my past relationships and wondering if love actually exists. I'm not talking about familial love, or friendship love. I know for a fact that they exist, which I will likely write about later in this post.

Maybe it's not so much love that I doubt as it is the idea of a soulmate or one person who is right for me. Maybe it's my doubt in other people that leads me to doubt love in this sense. Maybe it's my doubt in my future. Maybe it's the fact that I have been let down in the past and I'm afraid that it will happen again, or that I will make it happen to another person.

Now, I'm sure I could be in a relationship if I wanted to, but I have decided I will not do so unless I'm 100% sure of it. And I'm not. I have been through too many shitty relationships to get myself in yet another. Plus, right now, I work too many hours a week to even entertain the idea of a relationship with anyone. I get nine hours a day off work. That is barely enough time to sleep, shower and get ready for work. Certainly not enough time to share with another person.

I LOVE roasted marshmallows.

Work

Speaking of work. . . it is my life. I have no time for anything else. I have quit drinking completely (I didn't have a problem, I just don't have the time and it's easier this way.), so going out is rare. I guess that's a good thing though because I don't have time to go out. I have to say it is interesting around here. Between guests, coworkers and random things that happen it's rare that a day goes by without something exciting going on. I think at the end of the season I'll write about my work experience and share some of those things with you. Or maybe I'll video blog about it. :)

I am looking forward to the end of the season though, when work is over. But it's not like I'll be done for good, most likely I will be working for mom this year. Ya'll know I can't stand not doing anything. And now that I have been working this much I can't imagine not doing it. I hope that makes sense.

Starting after Labor Day, whenever we have less than twenty rooms rented, I will have the day off. Pretty much, I will be working only on the weekends after Labor Day. I will still be getting a minimum of 40 hours a week. I'm definitely not upset about that. I will probably be thrilled to have the break by then. :)

the sand between the lake and the stream.

School

I don't think I mentioned it before because I wanted to figure out if I am going, where I am going, when I am going and what I am going for before I brought it up. I have decided that I am fact going. I will be starting my Master's degree through Liberty University August 23. My classes are all online, so I will be able to do it from the comfort of home, er, work. For the first month or so of classes I will still be working. Yes, I am aware that I am insane.

What am I going for, you ask? Well, my heart and my head were torn. It was between a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Master of Business Administration with an emphasis on Accounting.

My heart wanted to go for the MA because it would put me in a better position to help people in my job. If you know me well, you know that I have a strong desire for helping others, and like my love issue, that will be discussed later on. But this field isn't exactly a happening field to be in. Also, marriage and family therapists don't make very much money, especially not in the beginning.

My head wanted to go for the MBA because it would lead to more jobs, and most likely more money. I wanted to have an emphasis on accounting because I know that is something I (somewhat) enjoy and I can then sit for my CPA exam.

I'm sure you can figure out that my head won. I feel that it should have and that I made the right decision. (I'll let you know if I still feel that way in a couple years.) I have to take two undergraduate classes in the fall for prerequisites, then it is graduate classes from then on out. I know my grad classes will be ridiculous, so hopefully work won't be so intensive when I start them. Wish me luck! :)

my parents

Family

I felt like including family in this blog because working here makes me appreciate my family even more than I did before. Believe it or not, I think I miss them more now than I did when I was living in Kalamazoo. When I lived in Kalamazoo I was able to talk to them more often, and I was able to see friends and get out of my apartment. Here, I rarely leave my apartment/work or see people outside of my roommates and a few other employees up here. Thankfully, I have wonderful parents who come up to visit me now and then. Since I started the new schedule, they have promised to come visit once a week or so. I am so happy to hear this. :)

And I promised I would come back to the love thing. My parents are the reason I can say hands down that love does exist. They have been there for me through everything. And by everything, I mean everything. I cannot express here how much I appreciate them and all they have done for me. In fact, it's not even worth trying. I will just say I have amazing parents and even though there are times when I don't agree with them, and there are certainly times they don't agree with me, they are the best.

she hated the lake, but loved the stream. I think she was afraid of the waves.

he, on the other hand, couldn't get enough of the water. :)

Volunteering

I think volunteering is one of the things I miss most about being here. I missed the pregnancy care center even before working up here. Now I miss it even more. Something about being able to help people and knowing that I am making a difference just does something for me. I think I'm going to try to start working at a center up here when I'm done with the season, if I have the time.

If you know me well you know I thrive off of helping others. Hell, here I am referred to as "mom" because I cook and clean and take care of the guys as much as I can. Not because I am expected to or asked to, but because I want to. (But I do appreciate help from them now and then. *hint, hint* :)...)

I also miss firefighting, even though we hadn't had that many fires. I even miss doing maintenance stuff around the station. (Never thought I would say that one!) Last week they had a fire and I got a text message about it. I was so sad that I wasn't home for it. Oh well, soon enough I will be back to the house and able to go fire calls (if we ever get them) and will once again be able to go down to the station and work. Plus I won't have to miss meetings anymore!

I had an meeting for the party committee for the Fireman's Dinner, Dance and Auction last week on my last day off for the season. Yep, that's right, we are really planning ahead this year. I'm excited for February to get here for that. Put it on your calendars and come support us! :)

enjoying my last day off.

Last Day Off.

August 4th was my last day off for the season. I have to say it was pretty amazing. I was able to go home the evening of the 3rd. On my way home I stopped and got my ear pierced again, an industrial this time. Then I went to vote, picked Dad up from home and went to our fire meeting. I was able to get a FULL night's sleep, take care of some things that needed to be taken care of, then spend my entire afternoon/evening at the beach. I loved that my day included sun, Stephen King, steak, s'mores and a swimsuit. :) But now, I'm working every day, 15 hours a day. Oh well, in the end it will be worth it.

the dock I spent my day on.

Song of the Day:

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

[The lyrics are self-explanatory. The more time I spend thinking about my life, the more I feel like my planning is useless because it isn't going to turn out the way I planned anyhow, even though that might not be a bad thing. I'm just kinda along for the ride, seeing where life takes me. I don't feel like this is a negative thing, as long as I have accepted it, and I have. I'm excited to see where I end up in a year, or five, or even better yet, twenty-five. :) ]

♥ Sara

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
-Joseph Campbell

New.

So, you are just going to have to bear with me through this summer. My blogging will not be very regular and I might not have a whole lot to say. Some things have happened since the last time I blogged though. . . .

1. I switched hotels, again. I now work at the Aqua Grand. (If you are coming to Mackinaw City and need a room, I know where you can get one!! :) ) And I'm staying at this one until it closes. There was a weekend about three weeks ago when I was supposed to be going to Kalamazoo for Krissi's birthday party. I had been planning on it since I started working, everyone was aware that I wouldn't be around. . . that is until one of the managers of the hotel I am working at now disappeared and the other was on vacation. So, I ended up giving up my trip to Kalamazoo and working there for the weekend. I decided to stay there after the weekend was over (of course after ok-ing it with other people). Since that weekend, I have been working a minimum of 70 hours a week. I get two more days off this summer. One is for my family reunion, which it is essential that I am at since I'm in charge of the damn thing. When I signed up for it I had no idea I would have a job where I'm working 7 days a week, a minimum of 8 hours a day. And the other is just before the the other desk clerk leaves for the season and I start working all day every day (as opposed to all day half of the week and half days the other half).

2. I'm living in Mackinaw. With how many hours I have been working I need to stay here to remain half way sane and successfully get a good night's rest. I live in an apartment behind the lobby of the hotel I work at. When the other manager quit, he left an open room behind, so I moved into it. I live with three guys (one of them being my manager, the other two manage other businesses as well). It's interesting, that's for sure. And since I am the only one who cooks and cleans (because I make time for it) I have acquired the nickname "mom." I like it up here and I'm pretty much married to my job for now. It won't be like this forever, and maybe that's the main reason I don't mind it so much. Only a couple more months and the hotels will be closing up and my hours will be cut way back. Right now I attempt to make it home at least one night a week and my parents do come visit me once in a while.

3. I GOT A CAR!! I bought a 2009 Ford Focus. I will be adding pictures eventually, I'll be sure to take some. :) I am so excited. I was able to get it financed on my own and had plenty to use as a down payment. I don't know if you understand how much that means to me. I went from not having a job to not only have a job, but being able to finance a car on my own and owning my own car with no help from mom and dad. I love being independent and this is just one more way I could do so.

4. I got a new camera. My other new camera had an accident at the all night diner. (She was dropped when drunk people were looking at pictures.) Luckily, I had the amazing warranty plan and they accepted it as a return right away.

5. I had yet another biopsy done. As you may know, I have Barrett's Esophagus, which is a pre-cancer of the esophagus. I have had it for three and a half years that I know of and I have to get a biopsy done every three years. This one came back the same as always. I still have Barrett's but it hasn't progressed any further so my doctor told me to not worry about it and we will do another biopsy in three years. At least this one was "normal" for me, unlike the last two, and Istill need to get my other mole removed. *makes note to self* (Maybe in October!!!)

I think that's about it. My life right now consists mainly of work and of very little else. The rumors about me haven't stopped. I don't know that they will. And I don't really understand why there is such a draw to me. But, whatever. The people I care most about know the truth, and that's all that matters.

To my friends, I'm sorry I have fallen off the face of the earth. I will see you all in the fall! :) ♥

Song of the Day:

Sideways by Dierks Bentley

[I love this song. It's one of the ones that comes on the radio and I crank it up. Unfortunately there is no "worked all week" it's more like "worked all summer." :) ]

♥ Sara

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." -Newt Gingrich