I think I've figured out a way. . .

to blog more often.

I downloaded an app on my phone! (I'm trying to remember how I lived without a smart phone. So ironic considering I was adamantly against getting one. . . ) Now I just click the icon and I am writing a post. Much more convenient. . . :)

Work
I am working at the Clarion this summer and it's nothing like last summer was. I am only working around 40 to 50 hours and told Dave (the manager) that I *won't* work more than 60.

I have too many other, more important, things to be doing with my time.

It's also different from the aspect of the stress level. I'm doing the same job, but Dave runs the hotel is much different than anywhere else I have worked. It's much calmer and low stress.

Class
That's right. I'm taking a class again. In the summer. I need my head examined.

I'm taking a class for my EMT Basic certification. I've talked about and thought about doing it since I got into the fire service, and I finally decided it was what I wanted to do.

So now I spend at least 8 hours a week in class, plus study time and soon I'll be doing clinicals too. *sigh*

But, it will all be over in August.

Then I'll be on call with the ambulance.

And shortly after that we'll have the

Wedding
Wedding planning is going well. I'm freaking out about it but I think I'm actually pretty on top of things.

I have my dress. The girl's dresses are ordered. The cake is paid for. The flowers are set up. We have an officiant, reception hall, ceremony site and photographer. The flower girl and ringbearer items are at the house. The DJ and caterer are set. I have the invitations being made. And my super awesome cake topper is here.

I am most worried about the decorations and favors because I am doing them (with the assistance of my awesome nieces). Other than that, I need to figure out who is doing our hair, get the bar set, order the tuxes, buy gifts, get the dress altered and write vows. Just a few things. ;-)

Spare Time
I have none!!

Other exciting news: John and I are planning on building an addition to our tiny house. VERY exciting!!

Well, that's all for now. I'll be writing soon!
♥ Sara

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Jabruary.

I know, I've gone missing again. . . .

Here's what I've decided. I'm not going to worry about blogging about every detail I missed since the last time I posted (unless it's significant). I seem to worry about posting a lot of information or details, which stresses me out because I get to far behind, so I put it off, then I get further behind and it is a vicious, vicious cycle.

Since the last time I posted about life. . . here are a few highlights:
January 30 - My mom, Tierney and I went dress shopping in Gaylord. The dress-shop-lady was willing to accept my old dress for a credit on a new dress. I guess that means I won't be able to have a million adventures in my old dress. (See this post for what I'm talking about. . . :) ) But I am very excited about my new dress. It is gorgeous! (And it was the first one I tried on. . . WHY does it always happen that way?! I can try on 500 dresses and always end up with the first one.)

January 31 - We signed the contract for our reception hall!

February 9-13 - John went to Canada. Now, I had a million and one plans of things I was going to do while he was gone: things I wanted to do around the house, wedding plans I wanted to work on, etc. He should have been gone a month. . .lol. Instead I ended up spending quite a bit of time with my family and his family, more his than mine. I had dinner with family every night, and made it to one of Tier's games. I might not have gotten my stuff done, but I was certainly happy to see him when he got home. :)

February 21 - Krissi and Seth stopped in on their way from Cedarville to Kalamazoo, it was so good to see them! :)

February 26 - We had the 7th Annual Cheboygan County Dinner Dance and Auction. Remember last year? I made 1107 jello shots? This year, I cut it back to 900, thinking that I just made too many last year. Well, this year I was sold out by 930, and I started selling at 7!! The party was definitely fun, and better than last year because I was able to relax more, we made more money, and I had John with me. :)

Other highlights: snowmobiling, ice fishing, playing cards with Nate and Melissa, a couple fire runs (nothing too exciting), John shaved my cat (yes you read that right), spending time with Ricky, having dinners with each set of parents, taking Rickers and spending a day with my mom, working on other wedding plans, cuddling on the couch watching movies once in a while. . . just life. :)

Now that I feel "caught up" hopefully I can start posting more.
♥ Sara

"Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know
too much to learn something new."
-Og Mandino

We will make it.

Lately, I have heard numerous comments like "If you [they] make it" (depending on if I was hearing it first or second hand). And I've had a ghost from my past come back in my life [again], the same ghost that has made me doubt nearly every relationship I have been in. But this time, it was different. This time he just made me realize how happy I really am. How sure I really am. How definite this really is.

How do I know? I never thought you would ask. ;)

(Mind you this is not a comprehensive list, and there are some reasons that just cannot be put into words.)

I don't think "what if?"

If you know me well, you know I *always* wonder what if, about everything. That is, everything except my relationship with John. I don't wonder what if it hadn't *finally* happened. I don't wonder what if I had dated someone else. I can't imagine my life without him now.

I don't like having a guy flirt with me.

In every other relationship I have been in I still appreciated it when a guy tried hitting on me or picking me up. I liked knowing that if (when) it ended I had other options (I realize how bad that makes me sound). Now I just find it annoying.

I have everything I want, and no other guy has a shot with me.

I have no desire to do things I used to.

I don't drink. I don't go to the bars. I don't go to parties.

I don't miss it.

I am content with my life right now (minus the job situation).

Most of my life I have wanted to change something. I've wanted to run. I've wanted to be somewhere else. I have felt trapped in many of my life situations. And when I didn't feel trapped I felt like something is missing.

I don't want to leave.

We have had a few fights, fights that in the past would have made me run. I am good at running. I am good at not caring.

Just not when it comes to him.

I cry.

Now I know this sounds odd to you, random reader, but you, close friend of mine, completely understand this. I don't cry. Correction - I didn't cry. I used to say that the reason I didn't cry was because I didn't care enough to cry. I think I was right. Rather than getting angry, I cry. Rather than yelling, I cry. Rather than leaving, I cry.

And I am no longer ashamed to admit it. I have feelings.

I love him.

It's not a blind love. I have my faults, he has his. Like I already stated, we do argue. We do get crabby. But, I still love him. I still want to be with him. I still want to marry him. And, it's incredibly difficult to stay mad at him for any length of time.

Moral of the story: You may not have confidence in us but I do. And that's all that matters. So, talk away, you're the one who looks bad by doing so. But, it would probably be a better idea to invest that time and energy in your own relationships rather than talking shit about mine, you might be happier that way.

♥ Sara

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. . . You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore." -Neil Gaiman

We're Getting Married!

I guess John took me catching the bouquet as a good omen. . . he proposed on Tuesday!

Since a lot of people have asked for the story, here it is. . . :)

Welllll. . . I ruined it.

We had a fire association meeting last night. (Remember, that's where we met. . .) So we dropped his son off at his parents' house. I made plans with my future niece, Tierney, to come over and hang out with Ricky and I when we got back from the meeting. He shares custody 50/50 and she hadn't gotten to see him on this visit yet. . .

We got back from the meeting and rather than going to his mom's to pick him up, he turned on our road. I asked what he was doing, he said he had to pee. I told him to hold it, his mom lives less than a mile away. He said he couldn't. We get to the house and he told me to take my stuff in and I was upset. I said we aren't picking him up are we? And he said no my mom wants him for the night. I was really upset then. So I go in the house and start cleaning.

We eventually hash out the changing plans without telling me issue and he apologizes, all was well. Then he tells me he asked his mom to keep the kid because he had a surprise for me but it was ruined now. I *hate* surprises and even more than surprises I *hate* knowing about them but not knowing what they are.

So after much begging and pouting he told me he loves me and asked me if I was sure I wanted to be with him forever. I said of course. (This is normal conversation.) Then he pulls the ring out and asks me if I would marry him. Thing is I didn't see the ring. . . and I said you know I will. Followed by oh shit, you're serious. Then I said yes. :)

It was a long night of calls, texting and discussing plans!

I guess this means you, blog reader, need to be prepared to hear about this wedding planning adventure. ;)

♥ Sara

"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." -Michael Leunig