We're Getting Married!

I guess John took me catching the bouquet as a good omen. . . he proposed on Tuesday!

Since a lot of people have asked for the story, here it is. . . :)

Welllll. . . I ruined it.

We had a fire association meeting last night. (Remember, that's where we met. . .) So we dropped his son off at his parents' house. I made plans with my future niece, Tierney, to come over and hang out with Ricky and I when we got back from the meeting. He shares custody 50/50 and she hadn't gotten to see him on this visit yet. . .

We got back from the meeting and rather than going to his mom's to pick him up, he turned on our road. I asked what he was doing, he said he had to pee. I told him to hold it, his mom lives less than a mile away. He said he couldn't. We get to the house and he told me to take my stuff in and I was upset. I said we aren't picking him up are we? And he said no my mom wants him for the night. I was really upset then. So I go in the house and start cleaning.

We eventually hash out the changing plans without telling me issue and he apologizes, all was well. Then he tells me he asked his mom to keep the kid because he had a surprise for me but it was ruined now. I *hate* surprises and even more than surprises I *hate* knowing about them but not knowing what they are.

So after much begging and pouting he told me he loves me and asked me if I was sure I wanted to be with him forever. I said of course. (This is normal conversation.) Then he pulls the ring out and asks me if I would marry him. Thing is I didn't see the ring. . . and I said you know I will. Followed by oh shit, you're serious. Then I said yes. :)

It was a long night of calls, texting and discussing plans!

I guess this means you, blog reader, need to be prepared to hear about this wedding planning adventure. ;)

♥ Sara

"Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." -Michael Leunig

Merry Christmas! (two days late!)

I spent most of this week baking and making candies in order to prepare for the day after Christmas. I made roughly 20 dozen cookies and over 20 dozen candies. Every year I say I'm not doing it again. . . but I always do. . .

December 23rd I not only baked and made candy, but I also finished wrapping my gifts and made a gingerbread house. We had Ricky, so of course I had help doing all of the above. :) He is so adorable.

[I find it so ironic that one of the reasons I was hesitant to date John was because he had a son. I had a list of reasons why that would bother me, and now that little boy has me wrapped right around his finger.]

I had bought a gingerbread house to make for my 101/1001 project back at the beginning of the season. With the move and settling into the house I hadn't had an opportunity to make it. And I kept telling John he was going to help me, he kept telling me he wasn't. I cheated, I got the kid involved. ;) So, the three of us decorated the gingerbread house. Quite possibly the most pathetic one I have ever seen, and I'm pretty sure that was due to the adults. But we had fun, and that's all that matters.

Christmas Eve I had to work until 4, but after that we had our Christmas with Rickers (he was at his mom's for Christmas Day). He opened his presents and we ate dinner. Then we played with his toys for a bit before going home and watching a movie until it was time for him to leave.

After his mom picked him up, John and I our gifts since I wouldn't be around on Christmas Day. He got me a gorgeous necklace, tools and a toolbox. :) When we were done exchanging gifts we walked over to his sister and brother-in-law's for a little bit before I had to be lame and go to bed.

my necklace. :)

tools and box. :)

I was scheduled to work 7 am until 2 am on Christmas Day, but two of my co-workers, Andy and Wesley, love me and worked it out so I could leave at 7 pm. *insert big smiles here* I got out of work and snuck over to John's parents' house. I didn't even bother stopping at our house to change. It was Christmas and I wanted to spend it with people I care about. We were at his family gathering for a while before we headed home for the night.

Baking still wasn't finished. I made my eclairs and called it a night. I was exhausted and knew I needed sleep in order to make it through yesterday.

Yesterday, we got up in the morning and I finished the eclairs and my last batch of chocolates, got ready and headed to my parents' house. We opened gifts with them, then open gifts with Jason and Shawnia and had dinner. Later in the evening some of my dad's family came over for cookies and candies.

Of course, just as we were sitting down for dinner, I got a call from work asking me to come in because someone else was a no-show. I initially told them I would come in right after dinner. John and the family exploded. They are all sick of me being willing to go in at the drop of a hat, no matter what other plans I have, no matter what I am doing, no matter who I am with, no matter how I feel.

They stole my keys.

So I told work I would be in when I could, and only ended up working for like three hours. In that time, John took down our tree and cleaned the living room.

I know. . . I'm lucky.

Merry Christmas ya'll!!

John couldn't find any gift tags. . .

neither could Dad. . . .

SCARY!

♥ Sara

"The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy
family all wrapped up in each other."
-Burton Hillis

Pre-Christmas Blog.

There's just something about writing at work that is so much more. . . convenient. . . than writing at home. In my defense it has been a busy week!!

Work, of course, took up it's normal forty or so hours. Nothing worth writing about there, as usual.

Home life has been pretty busy as well. . .

I got my Christmas cards out finally!! I was going to write a "Christmas letter" of sorts on here, but have decided to wait until January 1st and look back at the year, like I usually do. :)

my finished cards, waiting to be mailed. :)

I also have all but two gifts that are at the house wrapped. Neither of which are from me. I beg my parents to let me wrap their gifts because I love wrapping so much. And I have most of my shopping done. I just need to pick up a couple more things. . .but that involves finding time to run to town without John. Maybe this week one of the days that he's at work and I'm off. Oh wait, better be this week!!! Christmas is one week away! I have no idea where this year went. Wait, yes, yes I do. Work. >_<

This week I also got everything of mine put away and the house is all cleaned. There's just something about having a clean house that puts me in a very good mood. John is learning to deal with my organizational issues (I think). He was (playfully) upset when he came home and realized his clothes were almost as organized as mine. But hey, I do the laundry and put the clothes away, so I get to keep them organized, right?

Ooh! I never talked about the crazy snow we got here did I?! Last week I came into work and it took me 10 minutes to get from our house to work (usually takes 2) and fifteen to rock my baby back and forth to get her though the snow in the driveway. She's not made for snow that is deeper than her bumper is tall. Haha!

This is right after I pulled in the driveway. The windows were already not seeable.

Covering my lens so it didn't get covered in snow.

You can see where I plowed the snow with the bottom of my car. Bah!

Let's see, what else is going on. I guess just prepping for Christmas.

I offered to work Christmas Day back before John and I were together. I knew there was no way I would be lucky enough to get the entire day off. And the likelihood that I would be able to go to my parents' for any length of time would be slim. So I figured I might as well work and let everyone else have the day off. Well, I got my schedule for next week. And I work from 7 til 2 on Christmas. I know, you're thinking "that's not bad." Now let me put the actual times in there 7:00 AM until 2:00 AM. Yes, NINETEEN hours. *shakes head* I asked for it.

But on the bright side. . . We're having a family get together with my Dad's family on the 26th and I will be spending the 24th with John and his family (or at least Rickers). AND I get three days off to spend baking! :D Well, I'll be updating on Christmas if not before!

♥ Sara

"Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves."
-Eric Sevareid

Dryer.

It's official, I really am settling down and turning into a 90-year old woman. I was just talking to my coworker because he called me at 10 last night and I was wondering what he wanted. He had wanted me to go to the bar with him. (I haven't been to the bar in over a month. And it's been even longer than that since I last drank alcohol.) Irregardless, I was sleeping/watching a movie with John when he called so I didn't hear my phone or answer.

We were talking and he asked if there was anything interesting going on in my life. My answer "We're getting a new dryer tonight!"Followed by the realization that I just sounded stupidly old and responsible. Gah! What happened to me?! *smiles*When I'm done working we will go to Cheboygan and get our new dryer and then I will finish this post! :)

Update time. . . we went to Cheboygan to get the dryer that night, only to find out the hours online were not the correct hours and Sears was closed *insert John's frustrated and my incredibly patient face here*. So, we had to go back on Sunday to get it.

We found a really good deal on one and took it home that night. After a little bit of frustration getting it into the spot it needed to be in, and me having to change the door around so it opened on the opposite side of normal, I am finally drying my last load of laundry! (Mind you, we had EIGHT loads that had piled up due to a lack of laundry services. And I washed a couple and hung the clothes up because some of us don't have enough clothes to go without doing laundry for like three months (hint, that isn't me!))

Here's a picture for ya!

♥ Sara

"Behind every working woman is an enormous pile of unwashed laundry."

-Barbara Dale

Smoke Stories, Grown-Ups and Christmas.

Ok, you're gonna get a few posts in a row here. . . First and foremost I need to update my situation with the 101 in 1001 challenge.

12. Read and review 50 books.
Well, I finished my first one. (And am close to finishing the second one.) I read Smoke Stories by Mike Davis.

Remember the quilter's retreat we had at the Best Western Dockside a month or so ago? Well Mike's wife, June, was in charge of this retreat. They had a vending area in the garden room and June was selling Mike's book there.

One of the quilter ladies was also a firefighter and we had struck up conversation about it. She told me about the book and I said I'd have to check it out. One of the other quilters ended up buying it for me as a thank you. So, I had to read it.

My review of the book: I would give it 2 out of 5 Stars. I didn't think it was well written *at all.* There was no flow to it. It skipped around a lot, was very vague and just didn't go together well. Luckily, it wasn't very long and therefore didn't take much time for me to read. It did have a couple funny stories, but wasn't worth my time and made me very happy that I didn't pay for the thing.

The Book.

16. Watch 101 new movies.

I've watched two new ones! The first was Grown-Ups with John. It was pretty good. While it was funny, I felt it should have been funnier with the cast, but oh well. It wasn't bad and it's nice to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie with him now and then.

The second was A Charlie Brown Christmas. For some reason, I had never seen this. I know, there's something wrong with me. But it's John's son's new favorite movie, so I've actually seen it a few times and there's a good chance I could quote a few parts of it.

20. Complete a fill-it-in book without Dad taking it over.

I've started it! I finished the first two puzzles. . . it'll help me keep my sanity when I'm at work and it's dead. :)

---------------------------------

That's all I have made any head way on. My life has been fairly busy lately and I haven't spent much time thinking about it or working on it. I'm sure it will get done though!

♥ Sara

"The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from
it."
-James Bryce

Happiness.

Where, oh where, do I begin?

I guess I'll begin on day 1.

Day one for this story happens to be almost a year ago, December 15, 2009. . . .

This happened to be the date of the Cheboygan County Firefighters' Association meeting in Mackinaw City. This was the day we first saw each other. Now, yes, I realize this story is likely to be incredibly long, but I am going to thoroughly enjoy writing it.

Back to December 15, since the meeting was in Mackinaw, he decided to go for once. Dad (always more observant about how guys look at me than I am) asked me afterward if I noticed the new firefighters. I said yes, one in particular, and described him. Dad said yeah, well he noticed you too. . . Now, me, being me, my nose was too far into my knitting to pay attention. (I'm not joking. . .)

From then on I saw him once a month at the Association meetings, and I would always try to find a reason to talk to him, but I'm never good at that. . . it certainly didn't help that I didn't even know his name. At the house he was referred to as "the attractive Mackinaw City firefighter" or "the cute Mackinaw City firefighter." I remember one day in the beginning of April (right after I started working in Mackinaw) that I ran into him in Walmart and came home and told my parents who I ran into, still not knowing a name. . . lol.

Shortly after the Association meeting at our station, I went out to the Dixie after work and Bob, the other Mackinaw City firefighter was there. We were talking about the meetings and I said I felt bad because there were a lot of people that I still didn't even know their names and he said "well there's John and I from Mackinaw City"!!!!! FINALLY!!! After over four months, I finally had a name. Not that it really helped me much, but it was a start. :)

The next day he friend requested me on Facebook. I remember that I found it so ironic that I find out his name one day and the next he decides we should be virtual friends.

Of course, I went flying up the stairs and was like "DAD! Guess who just friend requested me?!?" And Dad, not knowing nor being that excited, asks who. I replied "John" and he says who? THE ATTRACTIVE MACKINAW CITY FIREFIGHTER, DAD! Oh, ok. Haha, not nearly as excited as I was.

So, of course I added him. And we talked on Facebook now and then, I remember wanting to hang out with him but being far to scared to ask. . . (this is just funny now. . .). After some time he finally asked for my number (or I gave it to him). We met up at the Dixie a couple times and hung out.

When I moved into the Aqua Grand we would go for drives together. It was beneficial in more ways than one for me. First, I got to spend more time with him and got to know him a little better and second, I got out of that damn building and got a little bit of my sanity back. We went out a couple other times, once for food, once to the movies. He was always willing to help me out of I needed something. I'll share two of my favorites. . .

I had to have a biopsy on my finger (turned out there was nothing wrong) and the spot hurt like hell. Wearing a band-aid made it not hurt at all because it kept me from hitting the stupid thing. Well, I had decided to do dishes and got my band-aid wet, so it fell off. I needed a new one, but couldn't find one at the Aqua Grand. Meanwhile I was texting John (like normal) and had mentioned this to him. . . so what does he do? He delivers a handful of band-aids for me. . . .

Another day, life was insane at the Aqua Grand and I was talking to John, telling him about my day and that I was hungry. He asked what I wanted and like 10 minutes later I was eating. And if I remember correctly he brought me enough food for like a week. Haha. . .

I have never had a guy willing to go out of his way to just help me without expecting anything out of it. And he certainly didn't seem like he was expecting anything out of it. I didn't ever feel pressured when I was with him. He did mention at a couple points that he wanted to date me but when I said I wasn't ready he said he would wait.

And he did. Patiently.

When I told him I wanted to move to Mackinaw for real, he helped me find my apartment and move in. . . OK, he did all the work. He got me on Mackinaw City's Fire Department and just kept me company in general.

That's what got me. Had he been pushy or moody, I would have been very *very* hesitant to give him a chance.

I had time to get to know him. Time to decide whether I wanted to give him a chance. Time to realize how great he was. Time to realize how well he treated me. Time to realize what I wanted.

We've been able to spend quite a bit a time together lately, thanks to not-so-crazy work schedules and no fire meetings in the last week. We went for a walk in the woods, went grocery shopping, watched a movie, got (three) Christmas trees and drove around a lot (he drove, I knitted, we talked). It was great. :)

Also, he's met my parents. And they both like him. . . not only do they like him, they both like how he makes me feel, how happy I have been, how comfortable I seem.

Now you know. . . :)

Oh!! One more story. . . The other day when I was at work he told me that he had a surprise for me. Now, those of you who know me well, know that I don't mind surprises IF I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THEM. He knows this, but insisted on telling me that then not telling me what the surprise was, ass. Well, I came home from work (well, went to his place from work) and found a bouquet of flowers, just because he could. This is incredibly significant to me for two reasons. 1) I once told one of my friends that if I ever found a guy who got me just because flowers, I was never going to let him go. 2) I had NEVER gotten "just because" flowers. Sorry Flowers? Yes. Birthday Flowers? Yes. Valentine's Day Flowers? Yes. Yay Day Flowers? Yes. Just Because Flowers? NO.

My flowers. :)

us.

Yes, it snowed for the first time while we were looking for Christmas trees. . .

♥ Sara

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with."
-Gillian Anderson

101 in 1001.

Well. . . here's the new challenge, as promised. The goal: complete 101 things in 1001 days. Now, I feel the need to tell you that I had to delete like 50 things from my original list. So if this goes well there will be Part 2. :)


Start Date: November 17, 2010
Finish Date: August 14, 2013

Taken from The Day Zero website
The Challenge:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on your part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple challenges such as New Year's resolutions or a 'Bucket List'. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips, study semesters, or outdoor activities.

So, without further adieu. . . my list. Some are blank because the task has to be a secret in order for it to work, but will be filled in once completed. The tasks I am currently working on will be in italics and blue. The completed tasks will be struckout and purple.
____________________________________________

Back to Childhood

1. Build a blanket fort.
2. Build a gingerbread house. (bought, but not started)
[12.23.10]
3. Build a snowman.
4. Carve a pumpkin.
5. Complete a coloring book, cover to cover.
6. Dress in a costume I put together ahead of time for Halloween.
7. Dye Easter Eggs.
8. Fly a kite.
9. Get my picture taken with Santa.
10. Jump in a pile of leaves.
11. Make a snow angel.

Books/Movies

12. Read and review 50 books, including 10 recommendations from friends. (3/50)

[Smoke Stories, P.S. I Love You, The Notebook]
13. Read the Bible. (0/66)
14. Read the entire Chronicles of Narnia. (0/7)
15. Watch 10 documentaries. (0/10)
16. Watch 101 new movies. (7/101)

[Grown-Ups, A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Bounty Hunter, Nothing Like the Holidays, Saints and Soldiers, Miracle at Santa Anna, Get Smart]

Creativity

17. Complete the 100 snapshots challenge. (0/100)
18. Complete a 26 things scavenger hunt. (0/26)
19. Complete a cross stitch project.
20. Complete a fill-it-in book (without dad taking it over!). (3/104)
21. Complete a painting on a canvas.
22. Decorate a cake (after learning how of course!).
23. Find a personally inspirational quote and work it into a piece of art/home décor.
24. Get a sewing machine and learn to use it.
25. Learn calligraphy.
26. Learn how to fold origami.
27. Learn to crochet.
28. Make an encouraging banner.

Food/Exercise/Health

29. Complete the 200 sit ups challenge.
30. Don’t drink alcohol for 101 days. (0/101)
31. Don’t eat fast food for one month. (0/30)
32. Drink two bottles of water each day for a month. (0/30)
33. Eat 5 things I’ve never tried before. (0/5)
34. Get a new bike and use it.
35. Go vegetarian for 2 weeks. (0/14)
36. Go without any pop for 2 weeks. (0/14)
37. Learn how to roll sushi.
38. Make someone breakfast in bed.
39. Run a 5K.
40. Try 101 new recipes. (12/101)
[Chocolate Covered Caramel Cookies, Chippy Cookies, Cowboy Chip Cookies, Blackberry Ribbon, Cookie Dough Truffles, Chocolate Balls, Oreo Truffles, Candy Cane Fudge, Snowballs, Sugar Free Eclairs, Kiss Pies, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dip]
41. Try 5 new subway sandwiches. (0/5)
42. Try 10 new restaurants. (3/10)
43. Work out at least 5 days a week for a month straight. (0/30)

Giving Back

44. Become an organ donor.
[01.18.11]
45. Buy a stranger dinner.
46. Collect all my change for 101 days – spend it on something that would make someone else happy. (0/101)
47. Donate blood.
48. Donate to toys for tots.
49. Get the CCFFA’s website up and running.
50. Send anonymous flowers.
51. Leave 5 inspirational notes for other people. (0/5)
52. Send or give 101 cards (other than Christmas). (Including . . .) (4/101)
[11.19.10, January 2011, 01.15.11, 01.19.11]
53. . . .
54. . . .
55. . . .
56. Volunteer 101 hours (fire department doesn’t count unless it’s actual volunteer time). (0/101)

Just for Me

57. Answer the 50 questions that will free your mind. (50/50)
[12.03.10]
58. Buy myself flowers.
59. Don’t swear for a week.(0/7)
60. Find a better job.
61. Get a manicure.
62. Get a massage.
63. Grow my hair (with trims) for the next 1001 days. Donate hair when I finally cut it. (82/1001)
64. Identify 101 things that make me happy and identify 101 things that make me angry. (0/202)
65. Keep a diary for a year. (needing to start over. . . )
66. Make a list of 50 things I like about myself. (0/50)
67. Make a video (or a series of videos) of my everyday life.
68. Make and lock a time capsule.
69. Save $10 for each task I complete / Donate for those I don’t. (3/101)
70. Send a secret to post secret.
71. Spend the entire day in my pajamas with no homework or housework.
72. Wear my hair down for a week. (And not just straight everyday.) (0/7)
73. Write a letter to myself to open at the end of 1001 days.
[11.21.10]
74. Write down all my bad memories/pain. Burn them.

Random New Experiences

75. Go an entire month without buying anything that isn’t a necessity (keep all receipts to prove it). (0/30)
76. Go a week without wearing black. (0/7)
77. Go camping alone.
78. Go ziplining somewhere other than Barakel with dad.
79. Go on a roadtrip.
80. Go to a haunted house.
81. Have a candlelit dinner.
82. Have a successful New Year’s celebration.
[01.01.11]
83. Have my annual Christmas Cards out by December 1.
84. Join postcrossing.com. Send and receive 10 post cards. (1/20)
[12.18.10]
85. Kiss under a mistletoe .
86. Learn to drive a manual transmission. . . well.
87. Ride on a train.
88. Tie a note to a balloon and let it go.
89. Visit a state I’ve never been to.

Miscellaneous

90. Buy a magic 8 ball and base my decisions on it for one day.
91. Buy a pair of cowboy boots.
92. Buy something from etsy.
93. Buy a lottery ticket.
94. Go back to church (at least once).
95. Go fishing.
[02.02.11]
96. Go to a zoo.
97. Go to the Island.
98. Go ice skating.
99. Have a picnic.
100.Have a sleepover with just the kids and I.
101.Watch the fireworks on the 4th of July.
_________________________________________

I will be taking a picture of the completion of each task, and possibly the progression. And I will obviously be blogging about it. When I wrote the blog, I will also be explaining why the task made the list. In order to keep track of this (and any other project I've done here), I will be using tags. The tag for this one is going to be 101 in 10001 and each completion will also be tagged with the category. I also intend on bookmarking this post on the left hand side column, if I can figure out how! ;)

I know, you're wondering. . . why this, Sara? Well, if you read it all you know that these are tasks that can be completed without much finances, and with just a little effort. Whereas, my bucket list has mostly go big or go home tasks on it (and I have a few to add to it, so look for those here in the future). And you know that my life consists of me challenging myself repeatedly, this is just another challenge. :)

I hope you enjoy this journey as much as I am planning on enjoying it!

my newest necklace.

the other side.

♥ Sara

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

Goodbyes.

Have I told you that I hate goodbyes?
Have I told you that I hate sad endings?
Have I told you that I hate having my heartbroken?
Have I told you that I hate crying?

All of the above are true. Yet all of them have happened far too often in my life, and especially since this blog was started. Now this one I saw coming for a long time (read: the past six weeks). And somehow I kept the entire situation out of my blog. . .maybe because I fell off the face of the earth for it. . . maybe because I didn't know what to write, how to say it, or even what to say.

Now, I'm not going into details on this one, because, well I don't feel like it right now.
I had fun.
I felt comfortable.
I trusted.
I fell hard.
I've hurt for weeks.
I've cried my tears.
I've come to terms.
I've said my goodbyes.

Instead of detailing the situation, I'm more interested in writing what I've learned, not just from him, but from every failed relationship (or not relationship) I've had. And mind you, there's more than one point for each one. . . fortunately, I seem to learn more than one lesson per relationship. If you are an expert on my life, you will probably be able to put a name with each point.

If you're in a long distance relationship and he disappears for a long time, then acts weird, it's because something [bad] is up.
If he cheats on you, dates her and then comes back to you, he'll leave you again, quite possibly for her.
If he allows his family to treat you like shit, he'll probably join the ranks soon.
If he seems like a possesive scum bag, he probably is.
If he ever acts violent towards you, it's likely not a one time occurance and will quite possibly get much worse, never better.
If he sabotages your friendships, think about why he would do that.
If he threatens to leave you, tell him to follow through.
If it's a long distance relationship and you don't want to see him, here's your sign.
If things are moving too fast for you, say something.
If he says he would choose a hobby over you, remember you deserve better.
If he says all he wants is to get married and have kids, that's really all he wants, it doesn't matter who it's with.
If you can't get him out of your head, there's a reason.
If it's a long distance relationship and he doesn't want to see you, here's your sign again.
If it appears he is into someone else more than you, he probably is. Don't be surprised when he starts dating her.
If he can't stop talking about his ex and how in love with her he was, he still is and nothing you can do can change that.
If you fight *all* the time, it's never going to work.
If you can date other guys and not speak to him for weeks, he's just not right for you, no matter how great he is.
If he's unwilling to commit to you, he never will be, don't waste your time.
If he promises to call and never does, you just aren't important, find someone who thinks you are.
If he treats you differently while drinking, he needs to choose, you or alcohol.
If he promises to change the way he treats you, hold him to it.
If you have promised yourself to never hand out second, third, fourth, or fifth chances, remember why.
If he treats you like shit, move on. . . there is someone out there who will treat you better.

I could write more. . .but there are some things I am unwililng to share about my life. (I know, it's a shocker.) I have contemplated writing an anonymous blog where I would feel comfortable sharing *everything*. . . . maybe someday. But not today. I still love this one. :)

So, here we go again. Moving on. Picking myself up off the ground. I've been down for a while this time though. Today is more of a relief than a sadness. And it's certainly not a shocker. And you better believe that I'll be doing something . . . something . . . new? with my life here soon. By my life. . . I mean my life/blog. Yes, I have a plan, you will see either tonight or tomorrow. That's a promise.

Song of the Day:
White Horse by Taylor Swift
[Self explanitory. :) ]

my ring, with a little bit of editing ;)

The real pic is on facebook.

♥ Sara

At the end of the day, it's about weather YOU like yourself enough to face the reality that your romance wasn't working.. to recognize that it wasn't giving you what you needed and deserved.

So many of us find ourselves saying "BUT HE WAS SO GREAT!" Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did.
-Above 2: It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're
trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.
-He's Just Not That Into You (the book)

The Penthouse Part 2 - Photo Tour.

Since my mom can't come visit I decided to do a photo tour of my apartment for her, after many requests. Sorry mom, I wanted to make sure it was clean before I took pictures!!!

The stairs I will someday fall down.

My tiny kitchen.

My refrigerator *almost* opens all the way.

The rest of the kitchen.

Tiny sink.

The bathroom.

The infamous shower.

Ok, I can't stand up here. . .

I have to kneel or sit to shower. . . :-/

Dining table. . . into living room.

Vanity, dresser, bed, other dresser.

The view from the corner of my living room.

My living room.

Overall, I like it! :)

♥ Sara

"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had
rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their
closet."
-Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1825

The Penthouse.

Welp, yesterday I officially moved into my new apartment. I worked until 1, then unloaded my car. While I waited for dad to get here with his truck, I went with John to pick up a couch for the apartment. By the time I got back Nick and Dad had the truck unpacked with the exception of the big stuff. Dad and I took the mattress up then "supervised" the guys carrying up the rest. I have to say, it was some good entertainment. The door had to be taken off to get my box spring in the apartment, and the couch never did fit, no matter how they turned it or how hard they pushed. And it wasn't even *my* couch. [Those of you who helped me move before remember the disaster that my old couch was to move! In this blog post there is a pic to help you understand the mess that moving that couch was. My friends loved it. We even had to take thedoor off for that one too!]

*Thank you to Dad, John and Nick for helping!*

My new apartment is on the third floor (again) of an old house (aka, the attic) in Mackinaw City. Dad calls it the penthouse because I have the entire top floor, not hardly. I know, I'm *so* good at picking apartments to live in. (My old apartment was also on the third floor and a huge pain in the ass to move into, yet easy in comparison to this one.) But it's perfect for what I needed, I wouldn't mind a much larger kitchen, but sacrifices had to be made. And the shower is, well, an experience. (And if you ever come visit you will get to see exactly what I mean.) I'll post pictures on this blog as soon as I get them taken.

I am excited to be on my own. Excited to have the independence. Excited to not have to get up for work at five (blargh) anymore. Excited that once it starts snowing I won't have to turn a 45 minute drive into an over-two-hour drive because I won't be able to see a thing in a few spots. Excited that my parents and the rest of my family still only lives a short distance away and that I don't have to drive five hours to see them. Excited that when my family has get-togethers I can now request the afternoon off and go! Excited that my friends can come visit and have a place to stay (as long as they don't all come at once, lol).


Yes, some of these things make me nervous. But I'm definitely more excited than nervous! Be patient for the pictures, I want to get everything unpacked and my apartment cleaned before I take them. :)

one of the first pictures I took of the Bridge. . . IN NOVEMBER!

Song of the Day:
Speak Now by Taylor Swift
[I have been obsessed with this song lately. And I don't see there ever being a case where I want to use it because I relate to it (goodness, I hope not!!) so I figured I would post it here.]
♥ Sara

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
-A. A. Milne

Reflections.

on my way to my day off. . .

cooler with drinks, steak and salad + wood for a fire + private beach = perfection.

If I was to say my life right now was all I had imagined it would be at any point during the last ten years, I would be lying. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be working a over 100 hours a week and living in Mackinaw, I would have looked at them like they were crazy. Hell, a year ago I was still trying to stay in Kalamazoo!

Now, I'm not saying I hate my life or anything like that. It just makes me think about what could have been and what is to come. This is where my mind tends to wander while I'm at work for at least 15 hours a day.


I'm going to divide my thoughts into separate sections partially for your benefit, but mostly for mine to keep myself from rambling too much. :)

sunset at the end of my parents' road.

Love

I'm sure it shocks everyone (or no one) that this made my list of things to ramble about. I think the longer I am single, the more cynical I become. I don't know how to explain it. In the past, what, 5 or 6 years, this is the longest I have been without a relationship (I know, it's only been like six months. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing.). I find myself thinking critically of other people's relationships and looking back at my past relationships and wondering if love actually exists. I'm not talking about familial love, or friendship love. I know for a fact that they exist, which I will likely write about later in this post.

Maybe it's not so much love that I doubt as it is the idea of a soulmate or one person who is right for me. Maybe it's my doubt in other people that leads me to doubt love in this sense. Maybe it's my doubt in my future. Maybe it's the fact that I have been let down in the past and I'm afraid that it will happen again, or that I will make it happen to another person.

Now, I'm sure I could be in a relationship if I wanted to, but I have decided I will not do so unless I'm 100% sure of it. And I'm not. I have been through too many shitty relationships to get myself in yet another. Plus, right now, I work too many hours a week to even entertain the idea of a relationship with anyone. I get nine hours a day off work. That is barely enough time to sleep, shower and get ready for work. Certainly not enough time to share with another person.

I LOVE roasted marshmallows.

Work

Speaking of work. . . it is my life. I have no time for anything else. I have quit drinking completely (I didn't have a problem, I just don't have the time and it's easier this way.), so going out is rare. I guess that's a good thing though because I don't have time to go out. I have to say it is interesting around here. Between guests, coworkers and random things that happen it's rare that a day goes by without something exciting going on. I think at the end of the season I'll write about my work experience and share some of those things with you. Or maybe I'll video blog about it. :)

I am looking forward to the end of the season though, when work is over. But it's not like I'll be done for good, most likely I will be working for mom this year. Ya'll know I can't stand not doing anything. And now that I have been working this much I can't imagine not doing it. I hope that makes sense.

Starting after Labor Day, whenever we have less than twenty rooms rented, I will have the day off. Pretty much, I will be working only on the weekends after Labor Day. I will still be getting a minimum of 40 hours a week. I'm definitely not upset about that. I will probably be thrilled to have the break by then. :)

the sand between the lake and the stream.

School

I don't think I mentioned it before because I wanted to figure out if I am going, where I am going, when I am going and what I am going for before I brought it up. I have decided that I am fact going. I will be starting my Master's degree through Liberty University August 23. My classes are all online, so I will be able to do it from the comfort of home, er, work. For the first month or so of classes I will still be working. Yes, I am aware that I am insane.

What am I going for, you ask? Well, my heart and my head were torn. It was between a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Master of Business Administration with an emphasis on Accounting.

My heart wanted to go for the MA because it would put me in a better position to help people in my job. If you know me well, you know that I have a strong desire for helping others, and like my love issue, that will be discussed later on. But this field isn't exactly a happening field to be in. Also, marriage and family therapists don't make very much money, especially not in the beginning.

My head wanted to go for the MBA because it would lead to more jobs, and most likely more money. I wanted to have an emphasis on accounting because I know that is something I (somewhat) enjoy and I can then sit for my CPA exam.

I'm sure you can figure out that my head won. I feel that it should have and that I made the right decision. (I'll let you know if I still feel that way in a couple years.) I have to take two undergraduate classes in the fall for prerequisites, then it is graduate classes from then on out. I know my grad classes will be ridiculous, so hopefully work won't be so intensive when I start them. Wish me luck! :)

my parents

Family

I felt like including family in this blog because working here makes me appreciate my family even more than I did before. Believe it or not, I think I miss them more now than I did when I was living in Kalamazoo. When I lived in Kalamazoo I was able to talk to them more often, and I was able to see friends and get out of my apartment. Here, I rarely leave my apartment/work or see people outside of my roommates and a few other employees up here. Thankfully, I have wonderful parents who come up to visit me now and then. Since I started the new schedule, they have promised to come visit once a week or so. I am so happy to hear this. :)

And I promised I would come back to the love thing. My parents are the reason I can say hands down that love does exist. They have been there for me through everything. And by everything, I mean everything. I cannot express here how much I appreciate them and all they have done for me. In fact, it's not even worth trying. I will just say I have amazing parents and even though there are times when I don't agree with them, and there are certainly times they don't agree with me, they are the best.

she hated the lake, but loved the stream. I think she was afraid of the waves.

he, on the other hand, couldn't get enough of the water. :)

Volunteering

I think volunteering is one of the things I miss most about being here. I missed the pregnancy care center even before working up here. Now I miss it even more. Something about being able to help people and knowing that I am making a difference just does something for me. I think I'm going to try to start working at a center up here when I'm done with the season, if I have the time.

If you know me well you know I thrive off of helping others. Hell, here I am referred to as "mom" because I cook and clean and take care of the guys as much as I can. Not because I am expected to or asked to, but because I want to. (But I do appreciate help from them now and then. *hint, hint* :)...)

I also miss firefighting, even though we hadn't had that many fires. I even miss doing maintenance stuff around the station. (Never thought I would say that one!) Last week they had a fire and I got a text message about it. I was so sad that I wasn't home for it. Oh well, soon enough I will be back to the house and able to go fire calls (if we ever get them) and will once again be able to go down to the station and work. Plus I won't have to miss meetings anymore!

I had an meeting for the party committee for the Fireman's Dinner, Dance and Auction last week on my last day off for the season. Yep, that's right, we are really planning ahead this year. I'm excited for February to get here for that. Put it on your calendars and come support us! :)

enjoying my last day off.

Last Day Off.

August 4th was my last day off for the season. I have to say it was pretty amazing. I was able to go home the evening of the 3rd. On my way home I stopped and got my ear pierced again, an industrial this time. Then I went to vote, picked Dad up from home and went to our fire meeting. I was able to get a FULL night's sleep, take care of some things that needed to be taken care of, then spend my entire afternoon/evening at the beach. I loved that my day included sun, Stephen King, steak, s'mores and a swimsuit. :) But now, I'm working every day, 15 hours a day. Oh well, in the end it will be worth it.

the dock I spent my day on.

Song of the Day:

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

[The lyrics are self-explanatory. The more time I spend thinking about my life, the more I feel like my planning is useless because it isn't going to turn out the way I planned anyhow, even though that might not be a bad thing. I'm just kinda along for the ride, seeing where life takes me. I don't feel like this is a negative thing, as long as I have accepted it, and I have. I'm excited to see where I end up in a year, or five, or even better yet, twenty-five. :) ]

♥ Sara

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
-Joseph Campbell

New.

So, you are just going to have to bear with me through this summer. My blogging will not be very regular and I might not have a whole lot to say. Some things have happened since the last time I blogged though. . . .

1. I switched hotels, again. I now work at the Aqua Grand. (If you are coming to Mackinaw City and need a room, I know where you can get one!! :) ) And I'm staying at this one until it closes. There was a weekend about three weeks ago when I was supposed to be going to Kalamazoo for Krissi's birthday party. I had been planning on it since I started working, everyone was aware that I wouldn't be around. . . that is until one of the managers of the hotel I am working at now disappeared and the other was on vacation. So, I ended up giving up my trip to Kalamazoo and working there for the weekend. I decided to stay there after the weekend was over (of course after ok-ing it with other people). Since that weekend, I have been working a minimum of 70 hours a week. I get two more days off this summer. One is for my family reunion, which it is essential that I am at since I'm in charge of the damn thing. When I signed up for it I had no idea I would have a job where I'm working 7 days a week, a minimum of 8 hours a day. And the other is just before the the other desk clerk leaves for the season and I start working all day every day (as opposed to all day half of the week and half days the other half).

2. I'm living in Mackinaw. With how many hours I have been working I need to stay here to remain half way sane and successfully get a good night's rest. I live in an apartment behind the lobby of the hotel I work at. When the other manager quit, he left an open room behind, so I moved into it. I live with three guys (one of them being my manager, the other two manage other businesses as well). It's interesting, that's for sure. And since I am the only one who cooks and cleans (because I make time for it) I have acquired the nickname "mom." I like it up here and I'm pretty much married to my job for now. It won't be like this forever, and maybe that's the main reason I don't mind it so much. Only a couple more months and the hotels will be closing up and my hours will be cut way back. Right now I attempt to make it home at least one night a week and my parents do come visit me once in a while.

3. I GOT A CAR!! I bought a 2009 Ford Focus. I will be adding pictures eventually, I'll be sure to take some. :) I am so excited. I was able to get it financed on my own and had plenty to use as a down payment. I don't know if you understand how much that means to me. I went from not having a job to not only have a job, but being able to finance a car on my own and owning my own car with no help from mom and dad. I love being independent and this is just one more way I could do so.

4. I got a new camera. My other new camera had an accident at the all night diner. (She was dropped when drunk people were looking at pictures.) Luckily, I had the amazing warranty plan and they accepted it as a return right away.

5. I had yet another biopsy done. As you may know, I have Barrett's Esophagus, which is a pre-cancer of the esophagus. I have had it for three and a half years that I know of and I have to get a biopsy done every three years. This one came back the same as always. I still have Barrett's but it hasn't progressed any further so my doctor told me to not worry about it and we will do another biopsy in three years. At least this one was "normal" for me, unlike the last two, and Istill need to get my other mole removed. *makes note to self* (Maybe in October!!!)

I think that's about it. My life right now consists mainly of work and of very little else. The rumors about me haven't stopped. I don't know that they will. And I don't really understand why there is such a draw to me. But, whatever. The people I care most about know the truth, and that's all that matters.

To my friends, I'm sorry I have fallen off the face of the earth. I will see you all in the fall! :) ♥

Song of the Day:

Sideways by Dierks Bentley

[I love this song. It's one of the ones that comes on the radio and I crank it up. Unfortunately there is no "worked all week" it's more like "worked all summer." :) ]

♥ Sara

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." -Newt Gingrich

#117 - Completed.

117. go out to eat alone.

Disclaimer: I have no idea how this blog got to be this long! So I will be subtitling it so you can skip parts you don't care about if you want! :)

Wednesday Thru Sunday.

So this couple days off thing might be rather beneficial for my blogging! I worked Wednesday thru Saturday like I had said. Then Saturday night I went out for a couple hours before heading home for the night. When I got home I crashed. I spent most of the day yesterday sleeping.

When I wasn't sleeping yesterday, I was figuring out my returns/exchanges for some clothes I ordered, eating strawberries and sugar with dad and hanging out with the kids. For as long as I can remember strawberries have been my favorite fruit. Ever. And Dad would often buy (and still does) pints of strawberries and we would (and still do) sit and eat them together while dipping them in the sugar bowl. Have you ever dipped strawberries in a sugar bowl? It makes a strawberry-sugar mess. Mom *loves* it when we do that. I swear one day I will buy her her own sugar bowl! :)

strawberry in the sugar bowl. :)

Jeremiah and Shianne were here for the day, I spent an hour or so hanging out with them in the hot tub. Yes, the hot tub when it was like 70 degrees outside, we didn't have it very hot. But it was fun, those kids are getting so big! I always said I would never say that. . . I still refuse to say it directly to kids, but those two make me feel old. Seriously.

Anyhow, after they went home, I took a nap, then watched a movie, then went to bed. I don't know what my deal is but I have been SO tired lately.

this fly was amazing to photograph. he let me take like 10 pictures of him.

Doctor's Visit.

Today I had to get up early to go to the doctor. When I went to see my family doctor about having my mole removed I reminded him that it's time for another biopsy of my esophagus. Well the doctor who did it before has since left the area so he had to find a new doctor for me. She is a gastroenterologist out of Petoskey and I actually liked her. She didn't give me any bullshit or tell me that the diagnosis couldn't be possible and she was very straightforward about what it means. Finally. Let's see if she keeps it up . . . I have my biopsy Tuesday then will be seeing her again shortly thereafter to go over my results.

For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with Barrett's Esophagus, a condition that can lead to esophageal cancer, four years ago now. I went through three biopsies over a year and discussion of surgery then, but they opted out of doing the surgery and decided to just take care of my gallbladder at that time. So, I was told that in three years I would need to have another biopsy done. Well, I passed the three year mark by a couple of months now, I've kinda been putting it off. Something about going through a bunch of medical procedures drives me nuts. Of course, this will be my third biopsy in less than two months. Woo. Freaking. Hoo. Wish me luck, and I'm sure I'll have an interesting story after it. I tend to do crazy things when I'm sedated. And if any of you are interested in the procedure I will be going through it is called an esophagogastroduodenoscopy, also known as either an EGD or upper endoscopy. And here is a link to the site that I found to be most informative about it.

mom's ladyslippers are out.

Shopping.

When I got done at the doctor's office I decided to go shopping because I really wanted a white shirt for work. I ended up getting a couple shirts and an awesome pair of boots at the first store I went to and a couple of shirts, a few pairs of nylons and a few skirts for work at the second one. I went shopping at the right time! Everything I bought was on a major sale and I saved like 150% of what I spent. Score! And I have no buyer's remorse. My way of looking at it was that I have to go back to Petoskey Tuesday for the biopsy so I have a week to decide if I want to keep it all. . . Looks like I do. :) Who would have thought that shopping for work clothes would put me in such a good mood, especially when I don't feel content with my body at this time? (If you know me well you know that the days I feel content with my body are few and far between. . . ) In all honesty, I love that I have to get dressed up for work.

you know how I feel about dandelions! :D

Completing a Bucket List Item.

After shopping I was STARVING. I was going to pick something up from BAB for lunch. But then I remembered my bucket list and decided to knock off one of the items since it has been so neglected lately. So I decided to go into BAB and eat. It really wasn't bad at all. In fact, I think I actually enjoyed the time to myself.

self-portrait action shot.

Independence and Relationships.

I've always thought of myself as one of those people who needed someone with me, but I think I have changed a lot in regards to that in the past year and a half or so. I lived alone in Kalamazoo for a few months and didn't really even talk to many people outside of school, work and meetings. For the past few months, I have done pretty much everything by myself. Hell, I even go to the bar alone. (There will always be people I know there, but I drive there alone, go in alone, and go home alone.) It seems as though I have been realizing just how much I don't need other people. I mean. . .I am a people person, I need people in my life, don't get me wrong. But I'm not so much dependent on other people to do things or for my happiness, er, rather, to feel content.

I loved photographing this caterpillar, even though he wouldn't remain still. At all.

Never have I been so comfortable without a committed relationship in my life. I don't know, maybe my mind will change on that at some point. But not now. It is rather ironic to me that I feel that way now. I remember when someone close to me that he just had no desire for a relationship, that he was happier single and I thought he was freaking crazy. (Ya'll should know who I am talking about if you are an avid blog reader, or at least if you have been around since the beginning.) Now, I understand. I know part of it is that I have been hurt so many times in the past, and I really am that guarded now. Another part is that I now absolutely refuse to be in a relationship with someone until I feel absolutely certain that it is what I want. Plus, I love that I can talk to whoever I want, act how I want, dress how I want, eat what I want, exercise when I feel like it (or not! ;) ), and just do whatever I want whenever I want to without having to answer to anyone or explain what I'm doing and my reasoning for doing it. I feel so. . .. liberated.

Now, I know what happens every single time I go on a tangent like this. . . so yeah, we'll see if it happens this time! And no, I'm not hoping it will. But I'm also not going to pass up something amazing just because I'm scared if I feel it is right. I don't know if any of this made sense to anyone else. . . but it did in my head. And ya'll know the real reason I write is for my own benefit! :)

mom's spirea bush. (this is smaller than a quarter)

Back to life. . .

The Rest of the Day.

After I finished eating, I stopped and saw my grandparents. I haven't seen them in a while again because my work schedule isn't exactly visiting friendly, and when I'm not working I've been busy. So I visited with them for a bit, they seem to be doing pretty well. :)

Then I came home and spent some time taking pictures (the ones that are scattered in this blog). I hate how warm it is outside (It was 88 according to grandma and grandpa's thermometer.), but man, summer presents some amazing photo opportunities. The flowers are gorgeous. The sunsets are gorgeous, the sun itself is perfect, and the colors just pop! I still love photographing in the winter, and even moreso in the fall, but I have to find SOMETHING positive about summer! When I came in the house, I showed my parents my new clothes. They loved them! I spent some time organizing stuff in my room and filling out paperwork for my biopsy before I went outside to clean out the car.

It is so obvious I live in my, er, mom's car. I had clothes, shoes, food, coats and tons of garbage in it. I cleaned out all of the good stuff that didn't belong in there and dumped all the garbage in the garbage can then organized my stuff that I leave in the car (shoes, food, fire gear) in my trunk. So, once I vacuum it, it will be amazingly clean. :)

the reason summer is ok.

Once the car was cleaned, I came in and took a shower and got ready to go to dinner. Ben and I made plans last week for dinner but he cancelled on me so we rescheduled for tonight. It's always good to see him. And he's leaving for work again next week, so it was perfect timing. After our dinner I went to Walmart and did some grocery shopping. Then I went down to the lake and took some more pictures before heading home.

Now I'm sitting on my bed. Looking through my pictures. Thinking that it's probably time I go to sleep. I know, I'm boring! ;)

the lake after sunset.

Song of the Day:

Rain Is A Good Thing by Luke Bryan

[I love how catchy this song is. Plus I love rain! ;) Also, if you listen to it he says "warshin" instead of "washin" which makes me laugh. Katie always adds a "r" to wash. So she would like to visit "Warshington D.C." and "George Warshington" was our first president and she "warshes her clothes in the warshing machine." She says the r is silent when you spell it. *rolls eyes*

Anyways. . . the song is a good one. Oh and Luke Bryan is definitely worth looking at. :)]

♥ Sara

"I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves." - Shirley MacLaine