January 7th - January 31st

I know I am going to make one HUGE post here, but I have a lot to say, and I don't want to talk about my day every day because I do, er did, pretty much the same thing every day and this time I didn't write everything down because I was too frustrated and didn't even know if I would blog again. Well, since I already told you what the first reason was that I didn't write for so long, I might as well clue you in on the second two. Now, I'm not sure how much I'm going to share, and I know every time I say that I end up telling everything, but I'm really not sure I should this time. . . . eh, we'll see where the typing takes me.

After Justin left on the 6th, I was a complete and total mess. So I took a nap and tried to calm myself down. I had told a friend that if I wasn't a mess when he got out of his fire meeting I would be more than happy to go out and hang out with him, and I really wanted to get away from everything, so I knew I should pull myself together and go. I know, you are thinking who the hell is this friend she's talking about. . . . Let me back this train up a bit. . .

Remember on December 17th's post how I said that I had gotten to hang out with some people from fire school? Well here's the real story. I didn't tell it then because I didn't know how things were going to turn out and I didn't want to talk about stuff that had no point, especially not with everything else that was going on.

Anyhow, during class, I noticed the guy across from me was always looking at me. So I pointed it out to Zach and asked if he noticed, he said he had been watching it for a week and thought it was hilarious. Go me, I'm so observant. I mean the guy wasn't even shy about it. lol. So, Zach convinces me to go out to the bar (and believe me, it wasn't an easy task) and who do I notice standing at the bar shortly after I get there? Yep, the guy from class. Well one of my friends was talking to him, so I went up and said hi to him and introduced myself to him. Then I went back to Zach and the other people I was with and talked to them for a while. When I was standing there talking to Zach, he came up and asked me if I wanted to go out for his birthday with him the next day. I said I would love to but I was going to Kalamazoo so I couldn't. The thing is, I'm sure if I would have been here I would have went, I know, I'm kinda crazy.

A bit later, I'm sitting on a bar stool, which is coincidentally behind him. I swear I didn't sit there to be close to him, he argues with me. Whatever. We ended up talking for the rest of the night and I gave him my number. I let him know the situation I was in with Justin, it wasn't a secret that I was in a relationship, but the relationship was all but dead.

So, over the break, we talked every day, mainly via text with a couple phone calls mixed in. We are WAY too similar. Actually we are like a carbon copy of each other minus the fact that he is a guy and I'm a girl. Seriously, it's kinda creepy. He helped me deal with the situation I was in, gave me a reprieve, let me know that I wasn't a horrible person when people were talking shit about me, and dealt with way more tears of mine in the last month than I would ever want anyone to deal with.

Ok, so back to the 6th, when he got out of his fire meeting he called me. I decided I was going to man up and go hang out with him and Jason. So I put some makeup on (I didn't trust myself with it before that) and went out to his house. Hanging out with him and his friends was so comfortable for me from the beginning, like I fit in there.

Over the past month, I think there have been maybe four days that I haven't hung out with him. You can think that I moved too fast, you can judge me, you can look down on me, whatever you feel you need to do. Yes, I had a hard time with the Justin situation, especially in the beginning. But I know what was and wasn't supposed to be happening in my life and I'm certain that I made the right choices.

I am even more certain after the third thing that has kept me from this blog happened. I don't really know what to say or how to say it or what is appropriate to say. (Although at this point if the people involved get pissed at me, that's just tough shit, you shouldn't have screwed me over if you didn't want people in my life to know about it.) I will just say this. I was betrayed. I was hurt. I was lied to. I am pretty sure I have lost the two people who have been my pretty much entire life for almost the last year. Believe it or not, I have even sucked it up and tried being the bigger person, which is out of character for me. I didn't even totally flip out on anyone, even though they fully deserved it (also out of character).

In some aspects the betrayal was a good thing, but it took me a little while to realize this. I can't say I'm not still hurt, because I am. It's hard to imagine the two people closest to you hurting you this bad, especially when you thought it would never happen.

I did learn through that situation that I have found a wonderful man and that his friends are amazing and have accepted me (as much as they can). Be prepared to hear about the crazy adventures that are my life up here. I have had a crazy roller coaster of a month, but it led me to here, and I'm not complaining. I'm starting to wholeheartedly accept the motto "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger." I cannot put into words all the emotions that I have felt in the last month. It just is not possible.

Any questions? Feel free to message me or leave a comment here. Ya'll know I'm truly an open book.

Pictures!:

01.07.10

Day 291:

the quotebook. it has since been retired. i have a new one, but i needed to get rid of this one.

Day 291:

new scarf!

01.08.10

Day 292:

on my way in the house.

Day 292:

:)

01.09.10

Day 293:

I loved it.

Day 293:

♥

01.10.10

Day 294:

shoes i got for Christmas.

Day 294:

. . .

01.11.10

Day 295:

Roscoe.

Day 295:

my hair is getting so long. :)

01.12.10

Day 296:

Sam in my sock bin.

Day 296:

stay-home-and-get-stuff-done day.

01.13.10

Day 297:

ready for bed.

Day 297:

in the car.

01.14.10

Day 298:

shoes!

Day 298:

notice all the little white hairs on my shirt? thanks Roscoe.

01.15.10

Day 299:

the poster for the Fireman's Ball.

Day 299:

:)

01.16.10

Day 300:

gatorade.

Day 300:

. . .

01.17.10

Day 301:

delicious!

Day 301:

in the car. . . again.

01.18.10

Day 302:

nerds.

Day 302:

tired maybe?

01.19.10

Day 303:

found in my purse while cleaning it out.

Day 303:

Roscoe wanted to be in the picture. . . lol.

01.20.10

Day 304:

chapstick.

Day 304:

rough day, didn't exactly bother getting ready.

01.21.10

Day 305:

my planner.

Day 305:

on my way to class, made up for looking like crap the day before.

01.22.10

Day 306:

the purse Katie made me for my birthday.

Day 306:

early morning.

01.23.10

Day 307:

dad and his bandaged arm.

Day 307:

happiness.

01.24.10

Day 308:

my college books.

Day 308:

another 'i don't feel like getting dressed' day.

01.25.10

Day 309:

i think this is the most symbolic picture thus far.

Day 309:

:)

01.26.10

Day 310:

candle.

Day 310:

i got nothing.

01.27.10

Day 311:

sammy cuddling with me.

Day 311:

cuddled up with my kitty.

01.28.10

Day 312:

my awesome boots.

Day 312:

. . .

01.29.10

Day 313:

the road home.

Day 313:

i look like i'm about to cry. . . i swear i wasn't.

01.30.10

Day 314:

i've been eating them like candy, stupid heartburn.

Day 314:

tired.

01.31.10

Day 315:

kallie.

Day 315:

another stay-home-and-get-shit-done day. just got out of the shower.

♥ Sara

Random Fact of the Day:

A one-minute kiss burns 26 calories.

"The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal."

-Astrid Alauda

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

-Albert Schweitzer