Breathe.

Day 26 - [04.17.10]

I know I took a picture of my "Shit Happens" necklace in the last 365 project. I felt that it was significant enough to use for another shot. I love this necklace, or at least these charms. The charm spins and reads "SHIT HAPPENS" while spinning. But while stationary it looks like that. I found the charm in a bead shop in Kalamazoo and I bought every single one that they had in stock. I have made a bunch of them for gifts and a few for myself as well.

Also "shit happens" has become one of my many sayings. And this weekend was a perfect time to use it like 100 times in conversation. Plus, spinning the necklace is my favorite thing to do when I'm bored, or frustrated, or tired, or thinking. . . so it came in handy. :)

Song of the Day:

Breathe by Taylor Swift featuring Colbie Calliat

[I left Kalamazoo at least a day early (I may have left Monday had my work schedule allowed it and had I wanted to stay that long.). And in doing so, I heard this song on the way home and wrote it down in my little notebook so I wouldn't forget to use it for my song of the day. No, I didn't just go through a break-up but it felt even worse than one driving home. I couldn't help but feel like I lost two of my closest friends this weekend, like my relationships with them would never be the same. I really hope I'm wrong, but I'm not sure that I am. I couldn't wait to get back to my life here and attempt to forget about my weekend. I was not prepared for it in any sense of the word. I thought I would be able to handle seeing Justin and Katie together, and I could (barely) when they weren't all over each other. Unfortunately, that wasn't all of the time.

I guess this will be where I vent about my weekend. . . .

The first night, it was awkward and I actually ended up staying at another friend's house. The second day was awkward and thankfully I talked to Nick for a bit before he went to work, which really helped. But the night was just plain awful. I couldn't handle it. It hurt. Seeing them together just felt like betrayal all over again and made me nauseous. Luckily, I had a couple friends in Kalamazoo to talk to to make me feel better and allow me to vent out some frustration and pain, then when Nick got out of work I got to talk to him for a while and he listened to me vent, sympathized, gave me advice, made me happy and took my mind off the situation. After I was done talking to him, I was able to make it through the rest of the night.

I'm not sure why it affected me as much as it did. Maybe because for the past three months they have refused to talk to me about each other, even though they do talk to me, so I have had no opportunity to get used to or prepare for it. Maybe because they act just like they did when Justin and I were together, but adding in kissing and a little more touching. Maybe because we all saw this coming and for months they told me that nothing would ever happen between them, which was the only reason I didn't flip out more a long time ago about how they acted toward one another when we were together. So now it's like throwing salt in a wound. Maybe because general PDA, and ignoring other people while being all over each other in their presence, annoys me. I would say maybe because I'm jealous, which I'm sure that is what some of you are thinking, but that's not it at all.

I'm really not jealous of whatever they have going on. I have my life. I am happy with my life. I am happy with what is going on in it, and that's why I left an awkward and hurtful situation to come back to said life and be happy. And in all honesty, within a half hour of being home, I was perfectly content. To me, that says something. That says, for the time being, I know where I need to be. That says, for the time being, I know what I need to be doing. That says, for the time being, I know what makes me happy. That says, for the time being, I know who makes me happy. And that says that for me, I made the right choice in leaving early and coming back home. No regrets. Ever.]

♥ Sara

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light." -Jean Giraudoux